In Memoriam (Sequel To Hope For The Hopeless. Severus x Reader)

All Creatures Great and Small

There were no more preparations to be made. When you woke up on the 1st of September 1993 at 6.04 am, you sighed, pulled your maroon cotton duvet over your shoulders, and closed your eyes to find another hour's sleep. You turned, tried various positions; on your stomach with your leg up, on your back with your legs down, on your side with your leg out of the covers. That didn't last; even though you could probably neutralise a monster under your bed, you reeled that foot back in quite sharply.

By 6.21, you and your bed were a tousled mess. The white gold locket around your neck doing its finest at trying to murder you before breakfast. Positioning your pillow accordingly, you sat up and rested yourself against the rigid charred wood headboard and unlatched the chain from around your neck.

It sat in your hand, a weight in more ways than one. Carefully, you opened it, as a diver would an Oyster, hopeful of a Pearl. What you had was far more precious than any jewel though. Every feature on Eleanor's face had been studied, not that it needed to be, you remembered it as clear as day but the outward visual was still a blessing. A gentle reminder to record the time you had, otherwise one day, like Eleanor, it would be a memory or forgotten completely. You kissed the locket, closed it back up just as delicately, and placed it around your neck.

And so began the day. Up, stretch the body, stretch the mind. For too long you had ignored your birth-given gifts, gifts that others would long for. Then it was tea, a walk, followed by a well-deserved shower. Locking the doors, you shut yourself away until you were needed.

You had tried, all morning you had tried to be positive, to remember the weeks of work but it was difficult to cling to any sort of positivity when everything between the old stones felt so desolate.

*

Severus felt cold, more oppressed by the castle than ever. Dementors. Probably the one being every witch and wizard feared. Well, the ones with an ounce of soul, anyway. Even from far away, watching from the safety of the castle, slightly covered by the large hand-carved door, he felt a sense of emptiness. Like something was trickling out of him. What little he had left anyway, he was emptier than ever; he'd make a pathetic meal for the black demons of the sky.

And now, Severus was sharing the grounds with another creature; wild, uncontrollable but no one would know it. A wolf in shabby, frayed, sheep's clothing smiling warmly at Harry Potter, as he ushered droves of students towards the castle. He had near lost his life to the damned thing before, now he had to painstakingly brew for him, keep his secret and somehow, keep you away from him. No matter what Albus said, he was a danger.

His large pale hand clasped the metal handle and forced it closed. Severus pushed back his hair, straightened his back, and held his head high. He was not the young, foolish boy he once was. He would not be bested.

In a flash, he was moving towards the Great Hall and flinging open the familiar doors. He was the first there, wanting to be ready, and waiting. Severus' stomach betrayed him though, it was lacking in food, filled only with worry. Not a word had been uttered between the two of you these past few days. You had done amazingly well at avoiding each other, now that was to be shattered and in front of a crowd.

Severus' worry was momentarily released as he spotted Remus Lupin, with his floppy light hair and soft, meek attitude making his way to the teacher's table. Severus caught his eye and held it until the other man gave him a sort of half-smile and looked over his shoulder,  behind him. He was pleased that he knew to look away. However, the Headmaster was close by and watched with disapproval as Severus continued to glare at him. It was only when Albus caught his attention, and raised his eyebrow at him knowingly, that Severus averted his disdain back to the doors.

Remus sat himself down, shuffled the cutlery next to his plate slightly, and then looked out over the hallway. It had not been the best start to the school year, certainly not what he wanted or imagined but he hadn't been in such a fortunate position for such a long time, and for that he was unashamedly grateful. Even if Severus was probably cursing him at that very moment. He dared a glance; he wasn't frightened of his old school peer but there was a certain amount of exposure he felt under his cold, dark eyes, and Severus did little to hide it. Knowledge was the power after all and Severus knew the most dangerous information about him.

This time, before Remus could pull his eyes away, as he had moments ago, Severus' glare faltered and he glanced back at the door. Remus, of course, followed what had pulled his attention. His bottom lip fell, exposing the tops of his bottom teeth and then he smiled and looked down at the newly polished cutlery again. The wizarding world was a small one, he chuckled inwardly to himself.

The fair-haired teacher lifted his eyes a tad and watched you make your way through the students, kindly smiling at them and tapping a few shoulders as you filtered through. You didn't seem to pay much attention to the top table, in fact, you seemed to do your best not to, barely looking up, even as you ascended the steps on the side he had not sat. As you took up the seat next to Severus, the brooding man sat straighter, his head flinching slightly in your direction. For a moment, he looked like he may talk to you but was interrupted by the commencement of the sorting ceremony.

--

It would have appeared odd to your fellow teaching staff if you hadn't sat next to Severus, you reasoned with yourself as you sat down. You'd not yet revealed the end of your short-lived romance. Why you hadn't, you weren't quite sure of. Was it shame? Embarrassment? Or simply not having the capacity to deal with the sympathy, gossip, and questions. You had at least timed your entrance right, there was no pause for an awkward silence between the two of you as new, bedazzled looking students took their turns under the ever scrupulous sorting hat.

Once that was done, and the cheers and clapping for each house's new members died down, you watched Harry and Hermione creep quietly into the hall. Harry had grown over the summer, in the way that boys often did, inwards and upwards. He looked pale though and tired. Not like someone who had just had a two-month break. You could relate.

Throughout the ceremony, Severus noted that you did not look his way once. He knew because he could not keep himself from glancing to his right, at you. There was nothing. He may as well not have existed; his folly had cost him dearly. And then on his left, with a few teachers dividing them, Remus seemed far too interested. He knew for a fact that the disheveled oaf wasn't looking at him. When he peered in your direction again, Severus could not contain himself. As the Headmaster stood, he spoke.

"You have an admirer." His words were filled with bile.

You sighed, having no idea what he was talking about but having no interest in the matter, "not now Severus."

"Why is Lupin so very interested in you?" he questioned.

"Who?" you asked, confusion clear on your face, as you finally turned slightly in his direction. You were distracted though, by a small movement further down the table.

Remus raised his hand slightly in a half-wave and smiled.

"Oh," you audibly thought, not paying much heed to Severus' calculating. You raised your hand ever so softly back.

Remus smiled again and then looked up towards the Headmaster's podium as Albus began his yearly speech.

Severus, however, did not listen to the School's leader. He kept his eyes fixed on you as you sat back in your chair, cheeks flushed and looking flustered.

"I see," he finally nipped when you remained silent, and then couldn't bear to look at you further. Had you really? He thought carefully, guarding himself against you as much as he knew how to.

With Remus fucking Lupin? He raged on, creating an image in his head that made his fists tighten atop his knees. Out of all the fucking people...it had to be him, and he just so happens to have to be here now! Severus felt sick. He was seething and he could not hide it as he stared at him again. His face was a perfect picture of disgust and loathing. This gave him all the more reason to hate him, and if Albus thought Severus was ever going to play nice with him, he was greatly mistaken.