hide & seek || 𝘷𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘢 𝘥𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴✓

saturday 9/10

6 PM - at home

i haven't talked to victoria in two weeks.
after the first week she stopped spamming my phone and i haven't heard from her since.

i met up with ludovica on tuesday.
she apologised again and again and swore to me that she would never do it again and that she only did it because she was a bit drunk and slightly high and only realised what she did when i walked in on them.

i didn't forgive her all at once, but i was happy to see that our friendship is more important to her.

but the image of them in bed still haunts me.
'it's easier to forgive than to forget' is what my aunt always told me, and for the first time i understand what she meant.

we're still at an awkward phase, but we're slowly getting out of it.
i have faith in her that she will not do me that dirty again, but only time will show.

after our talk on tuesday and as she was about to leave, she suggested that i should talk to victoria.

she specifically said that victoria was 'very hurt' when she saw me run off and that she can't really understand why i was so affected by what i saw.

news flash, vic! i'm not over you!

so now here i am, contemplating whether or not i should finally read those messages.

in the end i tap on our chat and scroll all the way up to two weeks ago.

victoriadeangelis
can we talk?
did i do something wrong?
sent september 25th, 2:45 AM

and so on and so forth. only when i got to the last messages i realised that i might have dragged this a bit too far.

victoriadeangelis
luna seriously what the fuck is wrong
it's been a whole week why are you still ignoring me
i wasn't born yesterday i know it has to do with me
sent october 7th, 17:30 PM

i could have at least told her something- even a lie would have worked- but here we are now.

i can see her typing...

victoriadeangelis
you finally read my messages huh
funnily enough i am at your doorstep right now
sent october 9th, 18:15 PM

the moment the second message arrives, the doorbell rings.

no way.

i quickly get up and check through the peeping hole.
that's victoria, without a doubt.

"i know you're at home, luna"

i sigh and open the door without saying a word.

i can already sense what's coming.

as soon as the door opens she invites herself in, pushing the door to close and turning right at me.

"care to explain?" she says and i can sense that this will not be as easy as i hoped it would.

"want some water?" i say, trying to lighten the mood before she explodes.

"what i want" she says and gets closer to me, her tone raising with every word she says "is an explanation. because literally no one is willing to give me one and i know that you can answer all of my questions"

"ask away" i say and start making my way to the living room. she follows me without a word, taking her shoes off before stepping on the soft carpet that i've already put down.

"why does it matter to you who i fuck?" she asks as soon as i've sat down while she's still standing.

"who said it does?"

"it's quite obvious that it does" she shoots back "or does it have to do with ludovica?"

"it partly does, you can guess why"

"yes but this doesn't answer my question at all" she insists, doing her best to remain calm "why does it matter to you who i will fuck, luna?"

"because" i say but i can't finish my sentence because of the knot that has formed in my throat.

"because, what?" she pushes and leans closer to me.

"i don't want to tell you" tears start running down on my face and i quickly wipe them with my sleeve.

"why can't you tell me?"

"i can't say that either"

she's looking at me with an unreadable expression; is it confusion, pain, anger or pity? none or all of them mixed together? the tears are blurring my vision and i can't see her clearly, but i feel the sofa shift under me as she sits down.

"listen, dolcezza" she says and wipes the tears off of my cheeks "i can't understand anything and i would really love it if you explained everything to me"

"i really don't want to" i say and snort.

i can see that she is not satisfied by that answer, but she's still keeping her cool.

she sighs.

"luna" she starts talking but i stop her.

"i am not over you" i spit out.

"what?"

"i said; i am not over you" i mutter, refusing to look at her.

she doesn't answer. i can't tell if she's looking at me. i can't tell what she thinks of this.

in all honesty, i can't understand what is going on.
all i know is that i need to cry.

"luna i-"

"save it. i know how pathetic and sad i sound" i say bitterly "but it's true. and i will understand it if you want to leave-"

"luna look at me" her tone is a lot softer.

i look up. her expression has softened, but i can't read it once again.

"what?"

"why didn't you tell me?"

"because this risks any chances i have to keep a decent relationship with you, even a friendly one"

"we've known each other for a pretty long time, dolcezza. you know me well enough to know that i wouldn't let anything get between us"

"you did bring ludo into this though"

"and i regret it. i regretted it the moment i saw you standing at my door that night"

"why?"

"because" she says and smiles bitterly "i am still in love with you"

"you are?"

"yes"

she swallows before speaking again, making an expression similar to the one you make when you're trying to hold back tears. i felt my stomach twist as she finally opened her mouth.

"but i can't be with you"

.

.

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ohohoo cliffhanger >:)