CALZONA: there are so many memories here...

I can't-

April POV:

It's been three months since Callie's... accident and She hasn't woken up ever since

Arizona is really not taking it good, I mean if the woman I loved was dying I wouldn't be good too (of course!) but- she's really down lately! She spends most of her days next to her telling her stuff, and the few hours left she- I don't really know what she does, she disappear...

She doesn't go to her house because it reminds her of Callie, she doesn't go at mark's because- well for the same reason, she doesn't come to mine and Jackson's house (I don't really know why), she doesn't go to joe's, she doesn't stay in any of the on call rooms in the hospital and she isn't staying in any of the hotels she likes most!

I really don't know where she goes

I do know tho that she is not sleeping! And also I think she is hurting herself... she said to me that she feels responsible for Callie's accident, which is obviously not her fault, and she is always wearing long sleeves even tho it's may and it's pretty hot... I am really worried and so is everyone else

She sees Sofia very often and she act like everything is fine every time but that kid is smart! I mean she can see that her mom doesn't come home or sleeps or eat or do anything but talking to Callie and her...

Today I'm gonna talk to her, 'cause it can't go on like this... she can't do this to herself or her family and friends...

*some hours later*

I am going to look for her right now

I find her crying next to Callie

Arizona POV:

Callie didn't wake up today either...

I am so... you know what it doesn't matter how I feel! Callie is the one who is hurting!

"You don't need to shake it off..." April says

I hadn't even realized that she was here...

I just look at her

"I need to ask you something that you don't wanna be asked" April says worried
"Than don't..." I say and than turn back to see Callie lying on that bed...

all I can think about is that I did this to her... I told her about Mark and- and than she was devastated

"I need to... because I love you and I care for you and your health" April says
"My health?" I ask and she nods "MY health? I am not the one who has been lying on this bed for 3 months!" I yell a bit

"I am not the one who is dying... no matter how hard I wish other ways..." I whisper starting to cry a bit "I am not... and you have no idea of how many times I prayed to be the one who is dying in her place..." I continue

"You don't have to tho! You can't wish you were the one! Yeah! What happened to Callie is orribile! But it's not your fault! There was nothing you could do about it, nothing! And she is not gonna wake up any sooner if you hurt yourself or sto sleeping!" April stops and than she looks at me crying, I didn't mean to hurt her, but apparently it's all I can do now! Hurt people...

"Listen... your daughter misses you, your best friend misses you and I miss you!" April says
"April I am here, I am awake, you don't have to miss me" I say to reassure her "you're not tho! You're not here! And- and- and I don't know if you'll ever be again..." she says but than she starts to cry "April..."
"No! No! Let me finish!" She says and I nod
"I am worried that you'll never be here again if Callie doesn't wake up, but I am worried that you won't be even if she does wake up... because you think this is your fault when it's-" April tries to conclude her speech
"It is my fault!" I yell a bit
"NO ONE IS BLAMING YOU BUT YOURSELF!" After that there was a minute of silence "you- you are- my best friend, you are my person! And I am not sure that I can stay in this world if you are not with me..." April says crying harder "I am sorry April... I was- I am devastated because of what happened to her... but I don't hallow myself to be, because I feel so selfish to feel this way... And I blame me... because it's my fault if she was too damn drunk to stand up... But I am and I will always be here for you! And with you..." I say I really believe what I am saying

April is my best friend is one of the few people I trust... I'd never leave her

"Ok..." April says forcing a smile than she turn around to leave but before she does that "can you- can you stop hurting yourself...?" She asks me and turn to face me

I am shocked by this question, I- I did not see it coming... I- I- I don't know know what to say

"Wh-" I start
"Don't ask me what I am talking about! I know you are doing it... I know you" April says
"I'll... try" I say knowing that until Callie wakes up I won't be able to stop... because it's the only way to escape reality
"Don't lie to me" April says looking me right in the eyes
"I- she is- I'll try... I swear" I say with tears in my eyes
She nods
"Can you come back to your house? Sofia wants you there..." April asks
I look at her and sigh
"I- I know you don't wanna leave her and that at your place there are too many memories there but..." April says a little nervous
"Yeah I'll come back home... probably tomorrow night..." I answer

I actually wanted to come back home but I didn't want to see the memories of me and Callie in there... that was the house where everything happened... I mean, before Callie left we bought another house but it wasn't Home...

"Wow... I- I didn't think it would have been so easy" April says laughing a little confused

"I missed your laugh..." I say
"I miss yours..." April says and than leave

*the next day*

Callie didn't woke up today either...

Today I stayed next to Callie... like always, and now I am going to pick Sofia up from mark's and than I'll go home...

*at mark's*

"Hey Robbins!
Sofia mommy's here get ready!
Please come in" mark welcome me in his house
"Hey... from when are you so... welcoming(?)" I say and laugh a bit
He laughs too but he soon becomes serious again
"Hey... are you sure you're ready...?" He asks me
"Yeah... I need to do it! If not for me than for Sofia... she needs me here..." I say trying to convince myself too
"Talking of something else... when will the wedding be?" I asks trying to smile as hard as I can
"Uhm... when Callie wakes up(?)" mark says
"Mark you do know she might not wake up at all..." I ask him and I see his expression change
"I can't get married without her by my side... when she got married, I was there... it would be rude of her not to do the same!" He says putting it on jokes like he always does but I can see that this time he is kinda serious
"Mark..."
"What?"
"Stopping your life so that she feels guilty?" I say laughing a bit
"I- that is not gonna bring her back sooner... she would want you to go on with your life..."
I say managing, I don't know how, to not cry
"I- I am not sure I can..." mark says starting to cry
"I know how that feels..." I say back to him

Than we hug, I love when we hug... hugging him makes me feel better...

"Mama!" Sofia says super excited running towards me
"Hi sweetie! I missed you so much!" I say to her pulling her away from my shoulder for a second to see her but than continuing to hug her tight
"I missed you too!!" She says with the sweetest voice

I can't help but think that if Callie doesn't wake up in the next... week(?) I'll need to tell Sofia what's happening...
For now I only told her that she had an accident but she is recovering...

Callie please come back... this is too hard without you...

A/n.

I think that the picture of this chapter is just perfect by the way ahahah
Sorry I haven't update in a while... I've been a little busy but I'll try to do better <3