°•Smol Bean Lou•° ( Larry Stylinson )

Chapter 16 (Introspection...)

Louis is in his bed, under his quilt, little tired from his classes, but not tired enough to watch silly YouTube videos. Right now he is very much attentively watching the fan theories about the next Loki episode.

"Hey mate let's  get out of here!" Niall exclaims as he flopped over Louis' bed "I'm bored, I want food" he pleads as he tries to snatch the quilt from above Louis' head.

"Nah I don't want to! I'm very busy" he says as he pulls the quilt over his head again "Go with Zayn" he says from under his quilt tent.

"Nah he's watching some romcom with Liam" Niall whines. "and I miss you Lou c'mon now get up"

"Alright!"

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"I don't understand him Niall, sometimes he looks at me like... like he wants to kiss me and then calls me his brother" 

"Well all I can tell you is that... communicate! That might help" Niall says casually stuffing his burger in his mouth. 

"But he thinks of me as a little brother"  Louis says as he puts his hands in air finger quoting the last two words.

"But he kissed your vomit filled mouth" Niall speaks while looking at his burger with heart eyes as few bites are left.

"It wasn't filled with vomit!" he huffs "besides I don't even know if he likes me like that ... like I do?" he says more like a question to himself.

"Again mate, communicate" Niall says with his mouthful with last bite.

"What if I do ask, what if I do confess and he doesn't feel the same?" he says " It will mess things up for sure... I don't wanna risk it"

"You mean you can't handle rejection, you afraid of rejection Lou" Niall states, gulping down his Pepsi.

"Maybe... I don't know"

---^---^---^---^---^---

Night time, the time to overthink. Louis is sat in his bed with his lamp lit, the only little light in his room, enough for him to scribble in his dear diary.

"You're different and special. You're different and special in every way imaginable."

 "You make me feel feelings I've never felt, you make me want things that I never knew I wanted"

He stare at what he's written down for a while then closes his diary and puts it back hiding it securely between his books and turns off the lamp, laying down in his bed.

I wish if I had the courage to confess it to him... how can he affect me this much? It was all fine until last year! why do we had to play that stupid truth and dare? Life was good before that... now it's just this restlessness and fear of rejection. What if I mess this up? I don't want to loose him... AAHHHH STUPID FEELINGS!!! 

Louis had never experienced these feelings before in his life. During his school life, he never proposed a girl ever. It was always the girls who initiated, he never had to be the one to reach out a girl to ask them out on a date. He enjoyed the attention though, but now that he looks back at his past relationships, he realizes that he was never very much invested in them, he never looked at them as he looks at the green eyed boy, he never felt the way he feels like for the curly haired boy, he never felt the sparks while kissing his ex-girlfriends, he was never excited to see them and spend time with them, he never noticed the little things about them like he does with Harry. Why was I even in those relationships??  he wonders this more often now because now it just doesn't makes sense to him. Harry makes sense though. He is coming in terms with his sexuality the more he thinks about it, because when he looks back he realizes that he payed more attention to the guys in the romcom movies, he often used to find himself shying while making a conversation with his hot foot ball coach in is school, and all those little things makes sense to him now.

 'I spent 19 years of my life in denial'

...

A/n:

What do you think is gonna happen? or more like what do you want to happen in the story??

I'll see you guys in the next update!! donn furgett to vote!!!!

ily take care <333