𝚁𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝙼𝚢 𝙻𝚒𝚏𝚎|| Clexa

1.

Clarke didn't believe in happy endings.

How could she? Everytime she opened her shattered heart to anyone, begging it to be fixed, she ended up suffering.

Or, she didn't exactly beg. She never begged anything. Begging was not how she wanted to express herself. It just made more harm than good, time showed her that.

Time showed her multiple things. Living in the woods for three months, for example. It was her way to overcome the guilt that she had held since the incident in mt.weather. Oh how she just wanted to forget. Forget their faces, forget the silent seconds she needed to suffer while pulling the lever.

But even wildlife couldn't help with that. She still suffered in silence. She never cried, because no, that wasn't her style.

Not her style at all.

She never cried. She couldn't let herself to do so. To let it all out. She knew that what she did was wrong, monsturous, even.

But she needed to do it. For the sake of her people. That was all what surviving was about.

But still, why was the guilt so hard to overcome?

She never cried, not after Finn. Not after the bloody mt.weather. Crying was an useless way to cope. It never helped. So why do something that has no use? That would be stupid. So she built her emotions behind a door that would be locked, and the only way to get inside it, to release the grief, was to break the lock, because there was no keys.

It was almost impossible to break. Clarke had made sure of it. No one could have managed to do so, until the commander of all people did. In the worst possible way.

It all happened so fast. It was supposed to be a peaceful morning. After all the suffering, she was supposed to finally... be happy.

But happiness was too much to ask.

"Lexa!" The blonde one breathed shakily, as she watched the other one next to her get the bullett. It was supposed to be Clarke. Clarke was the one who the bald man tried to wipe out. Not Lexa.

Not her Lexa, who she grew to love so dearly.

It was just a stupid bullett? It's surely not going to kill the commander of the 13th clans?

Not her Lexa. Her Lexa was strong. She needed to be strong. For now, she needed to.

The blonde one swallowed her falling tears, just trying to keep it all together. It just was harder than she could have imagined.

"Clarke-" The brunette groans, trying to keep herself standing, until she couldn't. Slowly, she lost her balance as her sight grew blurry and then, she collapsed into the blonde's arms.

"You're going to be fine, trust me."

Clarke's voice was in a breaking point already, and it just seemed to turn worse and worse. The commander looks into the other's eyes, trying to find comfort, anything to tell her, that this is just a dream, that everything would be just fine when she next wakes up. But it wasn't a dream. Not in any ways. There was no next time. It will all end to this very morning.

Clarke still tried to keep it all together. Warm tears running throught her cheeks, she heard the brunette saying the exact words she was so afraid to hear.

"You and I both know that is not true." Lexa started, lifting her unsteady arm towards Clarke's cheek, wiping her falling tears off.

"I don't want you to cry for me." She whispered quieter, trying to keep fighting. The pain inside her stomach grew stronger, leaving one shaky breath out of her lungs.