YOU OR ME | TAEJOON

I love you, so live

— KIM TAEHYUNG
 

6TH JUNE, XXXX

My legs hurt.

The convenience store was in my sight, and I just had to reach there. With some of the left over money I had in my wallet by playing dakkji that day, I trudged along in the night.

Speaking of dakkji, it still seems too much of a fever dream to me. First, I had been quite a bit skeptical that I would win 10,000 KRW by just playing a game. That too, dakkji? Wasn't it one of the games we used to play when we  were kids?

The ground beside the paved road was a bit too soft and my cheap sandals made an irritating noise each time my feet pressed down on it.

Seems like it had been raining just a while ago.

I wanted to go faster, but that would mean getting more dirt on my pants. As if they weren't dirty already. The 'pink soldiers' had thrown us out of the car like we were sacks of potatoes, me and the other player. Our clothes were thrown in a heap on the ground after. The fuckers had even tied up our hands and legs and we were just in our underwear, out in the cold, teeth chattering while we tried to break free of the binds. I had managed to cut them off but that wasn't the same for the other player, well ex player to be exact. He looked like he was in his forties or so, and was struggling with the cloth tightly tied around his hands and legs. I was going to go on my way, if it weren't for him begging me to untie him. At last I had complied, and made his hands free, letting him work on his feet on his own.

The bright white light of the convenience store was right in front of me now. I pushed the store's door open, walking inside absent mindedly. My sandals made a squelching sound, and I grimaced. I was sure there would be muddy footprints on the floor.

"Well well well, look who's here."

Sighing, I ignored the voice and went towards the aisle where the instant ramen cups were kept.

"This is quite new... hey kid, you do realise you haven't payed the money for the items you bought the last time you came here, hm?"

It was true that I hadn't payed, but it was because I couldn't.

"I'll... I'll pay." My voice sounded scratchy, and I didn't bother clearing my throat before speaking. Grabbing the ramen, I went towards the counter, the cashier eyeing me with curiosity.

"Got in a fight again, kid? Dad hit your sister again, hm?" He laughed then, and I watched as he shared eye contact with the staff next to him, who also nervously laughed along with him.

I gritted my teeth.

He was trying to get a reaction out of me.

Control, Taehyung. You've seen enough violence already.

I pushed the ramen to the front and along with it, the money.

He seemed taken aback, it wasn't quite an occurrence that I would keep quite if someone spoke up on my sister.

I kind of understood his irritation with me. Me, a troublesome teen who always got in trouble and had an alcoholic for a father. Me, who barely ever paid for the stuff I bought from his store, always with a promise of "next time, please."

And my life? It was : Run away when the police found me spraying graffiti again. Try to make money. Sit staring at my bed, wondering how I could get my sister out of that shitty place. The cycle repeats.

It was of no use obviously, laying around in that poor excuse of a house, wondering what face of my father would I get to see today. The sad one? Or the violent one?