It takes me a little while, but I finally realize that we aren't going straight across like we did before, instead we're heading up the river and it's a strain on my arm to paddle against the current. "How come we're going this way?" I ask Ryan and he points to the train car wall.
"Unless we find a ladder, we can't get over those rail cars. I've scouted this area before, they don't have the wall all the way across the entire river front, we'll be able to get in." I nod. It makes sense, after all, it's better to travel by boat than on the shores with all the zombies.
"Hey Ryan." I say after a minute of silence passes between us, I have questions and we didn't have time to talk last night because I fell asleep- and who knows how long it will be before we'll have another chance to sit down and talk. "How come you were sticking so close to Louisville?" It's a question I've been wondering, all that walking Silas and I did look for them, we never once thought to look closer to the place that nearly killed us.
"I didn't at first." We weren't sure where you guys landed, and it took me a while to get your Dad and Jack to safety. It was a few days before I could leave them. I think maybe we missed you. After a while your Dad forced me to leave them and go out and look for you, he wouldn't take no for an answer. I think he would have done it himself if I'd refused."
Ryan's words prick at my conscious. It's not that I don't want to see my Dad- I want that more than anything in the world, but if he's truly safe like Ryan says, then Silas must come first. Silas is not safe at all right now. "He can be pretty stubborn." I say in response and Ryan snorts.
"That would be an understatement." He tells me, and for the first time I look closely at Ryan's face. He looks like he's been through hell. He has bags under his eyes, and he just looks... haunted- for lack of a better word. I know my Dad isn't an easy person to take care of sometimes, especially not with me missing.
"Thank you." I tell Ryan, pausing my rowing long enough to reach out and squeeze his hand. "I really appreciate you taking care of him for me." Ryan smiles and looks down at our hands for a minute before shaking me off and going back to rowing.
"Of course." He says after a minute, shrugging like it's not big deal, but I know it is. He did an amazing thing for the small bit of family that I have left, and I'll never forget it. Even now, he's helping me save Silas against his better judgement, when I know he would rather see me safely to my Dad.
As we get closer to the center of town, the volume increases and so does my anxiety. I can hear the agonizing screams of people getting ripped apart, and I can't believe that I'm about to knowingly run into that, after all, what's so special about me that I think I can survive when so many people are obviously getting butchered. Even worse, I'm practically forcing Ryan to come with me.
I glance up and catch his eye and can see that he is visibly shaken by whats going on in Louisville. "Ryan. You don't have to come with me. This isn't your fight-" He's already shaking his head before I finish saying what I want to say.
"Jane, forget it." He tells me, and now it's my turn to shake my head.
"No Ryan. I'm serious. I know you have some sort of honor code that you follow, and you treat me like I'm a damsel in distress and you're my white knight that has to come to my rescue every time, but its not true. This could kill you, and I'm willing to die for this, for the chance I could save him, but you don't have to." I don't know how to convey to him the seriousness of this and how much I do not want him dying trying to save me. I wipe a tear of sadness and frustration away.
"I know I don't have to do this Jane. Hell, I don't even want to do this... risk both our lives trying to save the guy you left me for, when it might be already be too late. Silas is a good guy though and I would do anything for you. If you're going in there, I can't think of anywhere else I should be. We're a team Jane, friends first, all that other stuff just don't matter."
