Jar Of Hearts

Chapter 2: Anticipation

  Youthful people fall in love with the wrong people sometimes. It can be vile and unintentionally scarring, at most.

     Namely, Beomgyu had been subjected to the scam disguised by sweet nothings defined by love. There wasn’t a formula or a guideline he could read and follow to secure him a reliable shoulder to lay his head on. To offer himself. To him, it was all based on instinct and bad decisions.

     So, he wasn’t entirely clear on how he could break the first of Taehyun's hearts, let alone make him fall for him in the first place. His scheme was a blurry track in a riotous, rainy night, the ending isle blocked by jagged bumps and pits.

     He’d managed to stray so far from romantic involvement that he didn’t perceive what interested people anymore— what interested him anymore.

     The day after he met up with Taehyun, he busied himself trying to catch up. It was hopeless with how he managed to rid himself of any thought of love. He’d grown so scared, so afraid, of losing himself that he couldn't even consider finding someone to fill that gap. He’d given away his all to people who didn’t give much mind, only to leave him with crumbled bits of himself, trying desperately to merge them back together.

     Still, he tried. He spent the night intently watching movies based on all types of romance, ranging from cliche high school stories to deep, heart-wrenching scripts.

     He was unamused when the central character got their heart broken and their faith was thrown away. He didn’t flinch when they found out there was no love in the first place. Beomgyu was used to it and what was supposed to be the sad turning point of the movie only bored him further.

     Initially, no, he wasn’t entertained by the crying, the yearning, the comforting friends, the cheating, or the breakups.

     He paid the most attention when the main couple was, well, in love. Or, at least seemed to be.

     Beomgyu found himself leaning forward only slightly when he’d see them embracing each other or sharing a brief, affectionate kiss. He wasn’t appalled by it as he’d presumed himself to be. Instead, something inside him throbbed at seeing what he could have.

     His stomach felt like it was caving in when he saw the two main characters laugh together, sharing charming kisses. His chest felt heavy and his shoulders weighed much more; as if they were homing two blocks of sheer hurt. He had that. He had something like that. He didn’t trust himself enough to have something like that again. It was worrying him beyond comprehension.

     Safe to say, after the sixth film, he couldn’t bear the thoughts tumbling down on him and stopped watching, shutting his laptop closed with a soft slam. He laughed bitterly at the thought of his fondest memories with his past lovers morphing into the nightmares he tried to avoid. He was stuck inside them, desperately wanting to step away from his timeline and go to a place where he could just rest. It wasn’t an option, yet he still hoped.

     Maybe he’d rest when he isn’t on the receiving end.

[11:03pm] 

—:

hey taehyun!

i know it’s late but i’m letting you know i’m free tomorrow so we can continue whenever you want!!

kang taehyun:

yeah, i’m fine with that.

sorry, i’m a bit busy right now. can we discuss tomorrow?

—:

oh yeah sure!

kang taehyun:

ill text you tomorrow, i promise.