Jar Of Hearts

Chapter 11: Forlorn

     For the first time in the last few months, Beomgyu wasn't as deranged.

     He wasn't in a mental war with his mind, which was a gaping contrast.

     Still, it wouldn't be dependable to say that he was doing well. It had gotten to a point where he'd realised and accepted his situation so much to an extent that he doesn't spend hours deliberating on it.

     He knew he was in love with Taehyun.

     It wasn't a question of what if anymore, rather a query of what now? How does he simply recommence his days with the passing tapping against his chest or the swell of adoration he homed every so often? Most importantly, how does he continue as before when he's on the edge between giving himself to Taehyun completely and losing himself to him?

     Wouldn't it amount to the same thing?

     Lately, instead of fearing his own feelings, he's been eluding them. After beholding the sinister flash of his heart, he wasn't sure if he could let himself spiral again. Every time a thought called for attention, he would back it down and bury it so deep it would be neglected for another time.

     It was a tiring habit at most, nonetheless, a habit. He couldn’t go through everyday with the lingering feeling of breaking down.

     Who could blame him, though? He was in a permanent state of jeopardy, threat holding him by the throat so close to tightening its grip just enough to block the airway. With any trigger, though dubious, he felt he could break it entirely on his own.

     Which is why Beomgyu went out of his way to spend the last few days away from himself. With Soobin's succour, he was far from the idea of unreciprocated devotion. A mere day after the meagre incident, Yeonjun thoroughly apologised to him, practically on his knees for forgiveness.

     Of course, he didn't know what happened. It was a hushed agreement between Soobin and Beomgyu not to mention it to anyone, not needing the added attention and potential panic.

     So they kept it between them, Yeonjun— and Kai, who's always been there— unaware of the hidden menace. It was fine that way, better, even. He didn't want to worry more people.

     Beomgyu wouldn't mention it to Taehyun either. It was an absurd thought, to begin with.

     With the looming problem agonizingly chasing him, he continued to walk as if it was no bother. He ignored it despite its significance and risk. There wasn't much else he could do, was there?

     With that mindset, he went on. He went on as if nothing was amiss.

     Thankfully, he had copious diversions to aid him through the circumstances. He engrossed his mind in schoolwork and played out his days with his friends as he would before. On top of that, he had Taehyun.

kang taehyun:

gyu hyung, hey!

how're you feeling? did things clear up between you and soobin?

—:

hi tyun yes it did !! we're good now

kang taehyun:

that's good to hear, im glad.

ah, actually i texted you to ask if you want to meet up today?

i owe you an explanation.

—:

u dont have to tell me if ur not comfortable though

u dont owe me anything