the 100 reasons trilogy

100 reasons to date dazai osamu

Chuuya should really be used to his husband's shitty antics by now. Dazai was the most annoying piece of shit to ever walk the face of earth, and Chuuya could vouch for that from personal experience. After all, he'd kept that bastard around for over eight years now, and they have been married for five of those years.

Honestly, the mafia executive should really be used to his husband's antics by now. This one time, that shitty Dazai had sent Chuuya an email, with their fucking divorce papers as an attachment, asking him to sign the papers. Chuuya had, of course, marked the email as spam. Later that night, when Dazai was back home and he brought up the divorce again, the older of them had finally agreed to go through the papers.

As it had turned out, the papers turned to be some shitty "dog for life" contract or something like that. The genius detective had disguised it as divorce papers thinking that Chuuya would be eager to get rid of him for good and sign them without reading them first. Of course, it had just been his insecurities speaking.

Anyway, the point is, Chuuya had had eight long years to get used to his partner's shitty ideas. So, he really wasn't surprised when one day, he got a long (like a REALLY LONG) email from said partner titled "100 reasons to date me <3".

Yes, with the heart and everything. And yes, it was actually a list of one hundred fucking reasons to date the great Dazai Osamu. Of course, Chuuya spoiled his shitty husband enough to read through the whole thing?

From: nakaharaosamu@business.com

To: nakaharachuuya@business.com

Subject: 100 reasons to date me <3

I'm like really hot

I'm also really pretty

I wear bandages and everybody knows those are cool

I do not wear tacky hats unlike a certain chibi

I can't cook

I'll probably burn down your kitchen trying to cook

I mostly just eat crab, for future reference

My goal in life is to commit a double suicide with a double lady

Wait, it isn't anymore. That's a good reason too!

I own ten copies of 'The Complete Guide to Suicide'

I'm taller than you fufufuf

I'll lend you oversized clothes <3

I'll steal your wine

I'll probably bomb your car

I know you the best <3

I'll make you ugly (inedible) crepes

I own an ice machine!

I'll make you coffee when i'm sick

I can dance with a certain chibi

I do not do any of my work~

I'll eat all the food you make

I give kisses for free~ aren't i so nice, chuu~ya

I give nice hugs!

I'll squish you

I'll give headpats and boops <3

I'll beat you at every single video game we play

I know your pizza order <3

Contrary to popular belief, I won't rig your games :(

I'll carry you to bed if you fall asleep on the couch :0

I definitely do my own laundry fufufufu