Whimsical Wonderings of Wendy

Is it worth it?

I'm in this scholarship program at my college; at its base, it was supposed to be about helping students who wanted to be ahead, get ahead. I figured that meant tutoring sessions and study groups with others in the program (I needed it specifically for math). So I signed up. 

It was awful. 

The group had a meeting over zoom with our academic advisor over the summer to talk about what the program was about. These were her words exactly, "You all are here because you are lacking in some kind of way. Whether its you're test scores, grades, or something else, you don't meet (insert university name) standards. So where here to help you be on the same level as everyone else when they get to school" 

She practically called a group of 40 students who had applied, gotten into the school, then signed up for the program, stupid. I cried for so long after that. I have struggled with being able to tell myself that I am not stupid. And right when I had finally been getting better about my self image issues, she had to tell us we were stupid. After spending the past two months with these kids, none of them are stupid. We had to work harder for what we wanted, but we aren't stupid. 

There are many other things this woman has done that makes me angry. 

A friend of mine  (lets call her kate) , who is also in this program, tried to change her major from nursing to something else. Our advisor "strongly encouraged" that Kate rethink her decision and continue studying nursing. Kate hated all of her nursing classes that she was taking so why should she stay in the major? Then proceeded to not help kate with anything that she needed when she wanted to change her major. 

On top of all of this I'm terrible at math, so therefore I'm happy as long as I get higher than a 70. I got a 77 on my math test and the woman screamed at me, telling me I need to get it higher.   

i may be getting money from this but is it actually worth it if my mental health is failing?