Discipline || chan~chang~lix

여덟

After chan went home, he was met with a deadly silence, it was terrifying.

Not many knew, but chan's ears were sensitive, he could hear every small sound and it made him paranoid.

The clock ticking

The wind outside

The cars on the street

And her giggles

Even though she wasn't there, her voice was stuck in his head.

It was comforting but at the same time not.

Chan hated this feeling, of missing her.

He gritted his teeth and went to his room.

Looked around slowly remembering all the memories..

That he tried to forget.

To bury inside.

Hera, his ex girlfriend.

He remembered the times when they'd cuddle together, and watch movies.

Him cooking breakfast for her everyday,. He enjoyed watching her eat his food and appreciate it.

Their fancy dates, his black suits and her red dresses that hugged her body perfectly

Oh how much he missed all that.

But there was always something wrong.

She never loved him.

How did he know? You ask?

Well to put it simply.

She cheated on him.

Back then chan really did adore her.

He loved her so much. More than himself.

And that was the problem.

He doesn't entirely blame her.

He was indeed obsessed.

Maybe not that much since he didn't find out about the hidden relationship before.

Hera felt more than appreciated by him, at first she loved that a lot, the care and love was more than enough.

But his mental state was getting worse.

Chan did not love himself at all.

"How could you love someone when you don't love yourself?"

The thing is, even after he saw her and that guy's together.

He didn't want to break up, or say anything. He kept it in his heart, too scared to loose her.

He had to bear the thoughts of her fucking another man behind his back, but what was worse to him is loosing her.

She was all he has.

His insecurities became bigger, and stronger.

He started criticizing everything about himself.

'probably my body?'

'no maybe it's my ugly face'

'or is it my personality'

And so he tried to change himself.

Putting on make up.. excessively working out... Even changing his personality to match the other guy.

He stalked him on social media, his interactions.

But nothing worked.

Hera had enough, she didn't have the right to have enough if she was already not there