Love Shot - TAEJINKOOK

𝐉𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐍 (1/2)

     As usual, I ended up arriving after the bomb exploded. I knew that Jin would be at Namjoon's house, since I met them, every time Jin got depressed, his final resource was Namjoon's house.

But when we got there, Jin was sleeping, Namjoon wouldn't let me talk to him, so we decided to stay in the garden sitting on the thin grass while watching the sunset.

We got to the point of not saying any more words, everything sounded inconvenient.

Namjoon said that his mother gave medicine for Jin to sleep, since nothing else calmed him down. The more they told me what Jin went through, I cried, I cried non-stop just by imagining how my friend's head is.

Just thinking about it, I started crying in silence once again, why the fuck do I need to be so soft?!

— Are you starting to cry again? — I clear my eyes denying Namjoon's question, but he kept watching me. — No...

Once again another tear ran out, what the hell.

— Jin will be fine, you don't have to cry about it. — Caressing the back of my neck, Namjoon is being very kind.

— That's not all that makes me sad... There are so many things going on... And also, I've been an idiot with him these days. When he needed it most, I wasn't there and every time I needed it, he was... — I answer with my voice almost not coming out.

I take advantage of the darkest time, I wouldn't give so much to realize how much I cried. 

— We will never be present all the time. We are getting old and we have to take care of our own problems. — Namjoon also says in a calm voice, but to him, it seemed so easy.

His motivating look filled my eyes with tears. It could be for millions of reasons, but Namjoon had the power of persuasion over anyone. Because he knows how to maintain his posture.

— Why do you keep crying? You're the crazyest guy I've ever met, either you're very euphoric or you're a melted butter. — Supporting me, Namjoon runs his arm around my neck hugging me by his side. — Call me when you're sad, I know I'm not the best counselor, but I would waste my time listening to your problems. Friends do that...

I lost many days trying to understand why I was not reciprocated, there were answers, but nothing pleased me. I spent months without life beyond work, I couldn't visit my family or at least go out with friends to bars. I wasted my time accompanying Namjoon, helping him in his own concert hall, and when I decided to fall on top of him, the boy left and left me alone.

And over time I understood Jin's words: it's easy to confuse his feelings, because he really loves his friends.

— That dawn in my apartment...

—You said you would forget what happened.

Returning to this conversation was not my intention, getting out of his grip can be a good answer to this statement. After moving away from him a little, Namjoon looked in my direction with concern. Little by little before I spoke, I realized that he was tired. He was the only one to defend Jin and be with him in the difficult times, and now, I'm giving him one more problem. My intention has never been to be another problem and that no matter how bad it is, it's the only way I can say what I'm feeling.

— Last time you didn't want to tell me why you left me there, like an idiot... — When I realized that my eyes were already soaked, I started smiling wiping the tears that dared to fall. — I'm not crying because of you. There's so much shit going on, my parents are getting divorced, I'm not happy being a model, Taehyung is cold, indifferent... I don't know what to do to improve my life, it seems that nothing is as I had planned...