The One That Was Once MINE

Chapter 10

Guilt is a strong feeling.

A feeling that everyone is familiar with.
It can be described as "a bothered conscience"or "a feeling of culpability for offenses."
We feel guilty when we feel responsible for an action that we regret.

There are several types of guilt. People can feel ashamed, unworthy, or embarrassed about actions for which they are responsible.
In this case, we refer to true guilt - or guilt that is appropriate.
However, true guilt is only one form of guilt.
People can also feel guilty about events for which they are not responsible.
This false guilt can be equally destructive, if not more so.

Fiona makes a sound, sleeping beauty is up.
She raises her head and I sit on the couch right in front of the chair, that may I remind you, she is tied up in.
Before her eyes open in shock, she tries to move her arms, which are wrapped in wires.
Wires, that's all I could find.

She tries to scream, but the cloth is deep in her mouth, choking her.
I feel bad, but I couldn't let her simply lay there.
She tries to wiggle herself out, useless.

"Listen, you need to calm down." I whisper and she doesn't seem to hear me.
I walk up to her chair and her face goes pale, her failed wiggles stopping.

She is scared from me, I could tell.
"I don't want to hurt you, I just want to talk."
I continue, "If you promise me not to scream, this will go smoothly.'' I assure her.
''Now, I'll remove this cloth, and if you scream it's going right back there."
I reach out to remove the cloth and she flinches.
"Will you be quiet?"
I wait for the confirmation I need and she nods her head.
"Ok.. I just want to talk." I confirm, my tone calm.

As I remove the cloth slowly, my eyes staring into hers, frightened she'll scream.
And she does.
As soon as the cloth is out, she screams with every ounce of vocals she has.
I put my hand over her mouth muffling the sound, or failing to.
She bites my hand.
God she's feisty.
I pull my hand in pain, shit that really hurts!
"What do you want from me?" She screams and spits, squirming like a dog on a leash.
She despises me.

What did you think Anne? You attacked her and tied her to a chair for God's sake!
"I am not here to hurt you.." -I take a deep breath-"You know James?" Cutting to the chase.
Panic and fear seep to her pale face, making it colorless.

"I needed to know if your boyfriend was the same guy I'm looking for."-I go on, as she inspects me with wary, confused eyes- "He did... something to me... and I need to... I dont know. I'm sorry ok? I don't know what's happening to me."
I sit on the couch right in front of her, puffing out and placing my head in between my knees.

She must think I'm a psychopath.

Nothing, she says nothing.
We sit still for a while, my mind going to a million different things.
"Listen, I don't know what you want with James. But untie me and we could talk."-I raise my eyebrow, looking at my bitten red hand.
"You deserved that." She says shrugging her shoulders.

I stand up, trusting the words of a stranger.
Besides .... I can't tie her here forever.

I crouch behind her and untie the cables wrapped so tightly around her small little hands.

There goes nothing.

She wiggles free, wrapping her arms around her body, shutting her eyes tightly , and taking a deep, long breath.
"Tell me everything, or else I'm going to the police." Her eyes boring holes.
And I do.

I tell her about that nightmare.

She sits speechless for a while, I can't tell if she is mad, angry, or even surprised.
But I am sure she's not ok.
I speak up, "Well..?"
"I'm ... I don't know what to say," she looks downwards, her eyes turning glassy, is she crying?

"He promised he would never do it again, he said it was a one time mistake." Her voice breaks mid-sentence and her nose turns red as a tear falls down her cheek.
What does she mean?
I look at her, lost and confused, waiting for her to explain.

"Last Christmas we were at a friend's party back home in Brooklyn, it was our first Christmas together."
She wipes her silent tears, as her voice trembles.
I feel bad for this poor woman, Hell maybe even more than I pity myself!

"He was not delighted about the whole party thing, he wanted a quiet Christmas dinner with family and some wine."
"Such a fool I was believing that." laughs ironically,
"He was all drunk at the end of the night, and we got into a huge fight.
So I left him be, trying to give him some space to cool down.
He was terribly angry."
"The party was coming to an end, and I was extremely tired and just wanted to go back home."
"So I went looking for him." She continues.
"And there he was in one of the bedrooms laying over a 16 year old girl, she was my friend's sister." She pauses, not bothering to wipe the tears that can't stop streaming now.
"The sight was disgusting and infuriating, the girl unconscious, and his eyes closed, like he was enjoying it." Her face twists in disgust.
I hold my tears back.
Flashbacks crossing right in front of my eyes.
His lips on my body,
his hands on my boobs,
his stinky breath on my face, all of it hits me back.
"I screamed at the sight, and he pushed her away, the moment he met my eyes." She pulls at her hair, frustrated.

"I couldn't stand the sight of him, and that poor girl draped like a corpse on the bed." Shaking her head.
"The day after, he apologized and said he was drunk and didn't know what has gotten into him, that this was the first time anything like this happened." She takes a deep breath, not meeting my eyes once while narrating that shitty memory.
"I'm so sorry, I really thought he was telling the truth." She finally looks at me, her eyes filled with pity, remorse,and a hell lot of tears.
I nod, and swallow back my tears.
I wish I've done something about it then, I wish I've told someone.
Now he has done it to another girl, and who knows, maybe there's more!

We sit in silence.
Feeling my pain getting worse by the second.
"We have to teach him a lesson." Fiona says as determination covers the evident sorrow.