the two homophobes that fell in love

His POV

 I hate french kisses but I keen on making out. 

I tried to end my life multiple times, I failed obviously. Failing is big part of my life, I fail everybody and in everything. Making my way out of the dark side of the world is my dream, but it will never happen. 

Every day is the same: school and trainings, I've never met anyone who is happy. I play football and daily bases, even tho I've never dreamed to be great football star. 

You can get really bored if you're with the wrong people. By wrong people I mean popular and boring football classmates. Don't even get me started on athletes, literally the most ruining conversation people. Like we have this two girl athletes in our class, they are so boring. But I believe they have something interesting to say, they're just not being honest.

I try to put me living on the highest rung (příčku) in my life, but my parents have always seen football as the highest rung. I hate them because of that, I tried to act like I don't hate them, but it's impossible. How am I suppose to come home after my exhausting day of trying to please them and act like our house still feels like home to me. 

I just hate everything that is connected with them family events, trips, vacations and even just the time we spend together at our house. Image being screwed over by the websites on internet, well that's how it feels to live in our house. I can't even call them my family, they are just a bunch of monsters that hate their lives so much, that they have to make sure that my life is even worser. 

It's confusing to be straight guy who thinks he is gay and plays football. Maybe I am not straight, I will figure my sexuality as soon as possible. I have never met somebody who would be open about their sexuality. It's the thing that our society does not talk about. I do feel like that should change, but will it ever?

I don't shave, like at all. It kinda makes my personality. Like not shaving is either cool or not hygienic. I don't get why people shave, it's just hair, you have head full of hair that everybody compliments on. But suddenly when you three tiny hair on your leg you're disgusting. Like what?

Popularity is stressing, it's like a sword on your back keeping you down from expressing your true self. My true self is whole mess, but I can't show that to the public. Because I am who I am, the son of rich monsters and the future professional football player. I think I have never actually said this to anyone. I hate my life. 

 Beer is the greatest pride in Czechia, we live in country with the shittiest dignity. We vote for ANO and think how smart we are. How could I possibly evolve my self if I live here. Once I turn eighteen I am moving out of here. The only problem is I do not have any money, I could use my scholarship to go to a great university outside of this country and never come back. 

People in the whole world are dying and we are voting for Babis to ruin our lives even more. Sexuality is not cool here, everybody over 25 years hate LGBT+ and think it's unreal and informal to date a person with the same sex. 

They think that you can't just change your gender and name because you feel uncomfortable with the name or gender you had. I support LGBT+ and any type of transgender people, I just can't express my self properly, I am still learning. 

People think I hook up with every girl I see. But that's not true, I don't choose girl based on her looks or personality, I just choose her if it's working out for me at the moment. I know that makes me such a shitty person, but to be honest I hate my self for the way I am living in this world.  

All those girls, all the people I've had sex with meant nothing to me. Except for one person. I once had a rumor that I raped somebody going around the school. I don't even know who started it, but I am pretty sure this person was a female I have fucked, cuz otherwise they would not have any reason to say that about me.

In all those " relationships " I've had, I was the victim. I never wanted to have sex with them, I wanted to actually get to know them before getting in bed with them. This thought has come to me recently. I was raped. Multiple times by all random women. After I lost my virginity, everybody in school was talking about it(not the fact that I lost my virginity, but the fact that it was with this girl, who told everybody how great it was apparently ) and them more and more girls wanted to get fucked by me.

They would (still do, but I am not so blinded anymore) always walk up to me and ask me out on a date. Then would tell me ho much they loved, but when I told them that I don't want to have sex they said that I don't love them. Of course I have felt bad so I just let them do whatever they wanted. The reason why I felt bad was probably because I have never experienced my father's love. 

Your pros:                                    

-HOT 

-dick size(at least I hope so)

-good sex(that's what she said)

-sexting

My cons:

-confused all the time

-missing tooth

This list of my pros nad cons was given to me while I was in one of my already mentioned "relationships". I loved it so much back then, but know when I see how they used me I can't look at it again. And yet I have never thrown it away, this one is going with me to the grave. 

They aren't any gays in our school. There are only pick me girls who say they're BI. God I wish they would die. Charlotte(my therapist, who I have been secretly seeing for the last few months) is helping with this madness. I genuinely think pick me girls are lying and trying to be interesting, cause if they wouldn't "be BI" nobody would even look at them. They are the worst type of people after Nazis. 

I basically cary the whole football team. My teammates play football just for the girls. After every school football game they tore their shirts apart and show their non-existing abs. I am so glad that nobody knows that their abs make me hard. 

/Lol no idea what this chapter is, but the next one is gonna have smut in it/