unbearable, trent alexander-arnold

¹²space

october, twenty-first.

THEY HAD DECIDED TO PUT SPACE BETWEEN THEM, and it almost felt like a breakup, but without the hurt and the tears. she had to pack everything and go live in her apartment where she rarely went before since she was at almost all the time at trent's house. it was weird, the first week, when he wasn't here to pick her up from the university, or when she didn't go anymore to one of his games and they didn't go for dinner after that. she realised that everything was weird and that her life was actually boring without him, even though she hated to admit it.

when she talked with his teammates, she acted like she didn't care, so they wouldn't ask questions. furthermore, she also didn't want them to talk about her to him. that would be too embarrassing for her if he knew that she didn't feel so good about being away from him. it wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great either. she didn't have any distraction, someone to annoy or to have sex with anymore. so what was she supposed to do now? apart from stressing about exams and school? she didn't know, and she was afraid she would never know.

to compensate for the void left by trent, she had made friends, she didn't like them that much but it was always better than being alone — or at least she thought so. until they started to notice that she wasn't feeling well and asked her what was going on. when she finally told them, they started going crazy about the fact that she used to hang out with a footballer and it made her very uncomfortable.

so she wasn't friends with them anymore.

it was no surprise, she had never really liked people her age and always preferred people a bit older. maybe that was why she liked trent's teammates so much, many of them were twenty-five or more. even trent was older than her, by three years, which wasn't that considerable of a gap but could still sometimes make differences between people. but not with tosca. people always used to tell her that she was mature and looked older than she was, and that was true. she was surely more mature than eighty percent of her classmates, but that didn't mean she succeed more than them.

her grades still didn't improve and she was no longer top of the class, which worried her. she had spent her whole life being, why couldn't she now? her stress, for sure, wasn't helping, but still. and since her grades didn't improve, her stress only increased. again and again. she was stuck in a vicious circle and she didn't know how to get out of it. she realised recently that she had probably always been in one but trent had shadowed it and made her forget about it, and she missed that feeling of denial when she used to be with him.

so she tried to find comfort outside of trent's home, and for that, she called virgil. he was probably the person she liked the most amongst the liverpool team with robbo — and maybe a bit trent. he always felt like a big brother to her and she loved his wife and daughters.

he answered quickly with a cheerful voice, "hey tos'!"

"ew, not "'tos'" we said.

"you're right, you're right, sorry. how are you?" he asked.

"uh, about that... can i," she paused for a moment, unsure of asking, she didn't want to disturb them, "can i come at yours? i hope i'm not bothering, i know it's your day off and you probably want to be with your family and all—"

"of course, you can tosca, you're always welcomed here. is there something wrong?" he now spoke in a more worried voice.

"i'll-i'll talk about that later if it's okay with you."

"yeah yeah for sure."

"thanks, virg', it means a lot."

"it's normal tosca, see you."