When it all started

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I remember her in vivid detail, even after all these years. Those memories, hurtful and comforting, started always the same way, with her peering out to the outside world through her small kitchen window. She stood there, in complete immersion, as if it was a distant world that she could never dream of reaching.

Nana was a cool grandmother, beautiful with her long white hair and wrinkles that showed wisdom and warmth. She was fond of telling stories and the best ones were about her travelling. When young, she moved from city to city, from job to job. Nana had admired the eclectic lifestyle of the big cities and the calmness of the small villages. Yet when she told her stories, it was the city life that made her eyes shine.

She loved to recall those nights, lit by the placards attached to tall buildings, by the light posts, and by the everyday life. There was freedom and a never-ending flow of new people on the streets. People with different stories, with different views, but a common goal, to thrive on those unknown and bustling boulevards.

Nana was in love with everything, and those words made me excited for a time I would never come to see.

I wondered about the life long before I was born, so distinct from my reality that it almost sounded magical. Those afternoons where I listened to her stories while sipping hot cocoa and eating cookies defined my innocent childhood.

I was happy and ignorant, and Nana was the best host.

Until... one day.

It started like any other afternoon. She looked at the window as I sat at the kitchen table, hearing the piercing noise of her old coffee pot being warmed up. The sound, more striking in my memory as the silence sank between us, wounded my soul. The water bubbled, and she continued to stare at the emptiness outside without professing a word. Her face was dark and bared an uncommon expression. Fear, anger, sadness or something else? Or everything together?

There was not much in my memories after that. Her lips moved and sound came out, different and impactful. Her beautiful and magical stories were gone, and what was left was macabre and wrong. And though I couldn't understand it, those words haunted my sleep. Words I didn't even know what they meant. Only the place where they came from. The Beldmount Boarding School.

An image, however, got engraved on my mind. That hill, she watched through the window. The hill that once looked green and inviting was now the last place I would ever find myself going to.

I should have, but I didn't cry or make any fuss over her sudden transformation. Why?

The answer never came, even when I remembered something more.

Instead, I got more questions. Questions that I no longer could ask nana, as she by then had escaped to a faraway place.

In that recalled memory, she turned to me, calm and collected. Her eyes were dark as the night that threaten to overcome the sky outside. It shocked me, but I stayed put as she reached close and sat next to me. Her face was chirpy and strange, like a playful cat. Nana reached for my hair, petting it with tenderness.

A big smile appeared on her face, spooky and unfamiliar.  Yet I grew fascinated with her and how she changed. How she was Nana without being Nana.

"Should I tell you, what happened over the hill? What happened on the 21st of June 1954?"

My body grew excited and I returned her smile.

And that was all I remembered before the darkness embraced me.

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