Northern Lights

Chapter 8: Goodbye Isn't Our Fate

While Rome was in California it gave me a small glimpse of what it would be like when he's gone back to his country. I can't imagine this being a permanent feeling. I feel lonely and miss him tremendously. Tonight he comes home and it will be his last two nights, before he leaves with my heart. My heart is shattered every time I think of him getting on that plane. "Miley, can you sleep over tonight?" Joseph asked me as he pulled me closer to him. I turn over to him as I say, "I wish I could, but I have to be at work early in the morning." You're probably confused wondering who Joseph is and why I randomly introduce him to you. He held no importance until this moment, because he was my distraction from me feelings for Rome.  While Rome was in California I had to prove to myself I didn't care about him like I knew my heart did.  Joseph is insanely attractive and he makes me forget about Rome. Who am I kidding, he makes me wish I could forget about Rome, but instead he reminds me of why I can't. He's a warm body and he's available. I know it's wrong, but I can't be in love with a boy from another country. I can't live here, but my heart be somewhere else out of reach. "You say that every night, just one night Miley." Joseph begs. I just shake my head no and rush to reach for my keys. Joseph is polite enough to walk me to my car, despite my refusal to spend the night at his place. When I get to my car he kisses me goodnight. I politely kiss him back, but deep down I hate every moment of his lips upon mine. I know one day he's going to realize he's nothing more than a body to me. The thought makes me sick, since I remember how that felt when someone did that to me. As I drive back home to my apartment I realize Joseph can no longer be a part of my life, because I don't want to be a part of his.

When I arrive at my apartment half awake I check snapchat and see Rome is at a bar not far from my apartment. I feel relief knowing he made it back safely. I put my phone away before I overthink why he hasn't messaged to see me yet. I mean it is his last two nights here, wouldn't he want to spend them with me? I need to stop entertaining these thoughts, because I know they will lead me down a rabbit hole I'll regret. I go to my bathroom and wash my face, before getting dressed for bed. When I look up at my reflection in the mirror I watch my eyes begin to water. I quickly wipe the tears away and force myself to get it together. As I sit in my bed a wave of our memories flood my mind. I feel the rush of the thought of the moments we were able to share, but just as intensely I feel the sharp sensation in my burning chest knowing this is the moment we say goodbye. I look at the clock that isn't obeying the speed of time, or so it feels. My eyes get heavy as I try to force them to remain open, because I don't want to miss a message from Rome. I wish I could say I was able to fight the exhaustion, but I didn't.

When I wake up my body goes into panic wondering if I missed the chance to say goodbye to Rome. Relief and heartbreak fill my body when I see he never messaged me. I feel so confused, but I tell myself maybe he was too drunk to message me. For the rest of the day I constantly remind convince myself he was too drunk so I wouldn't fall down that rabbit hole. Later that evening I realized I didn't want to be alone, So I invited Ellie and her boyfriend over to come swim.  I didn't want to get my hair wet incase Rome decided to meet up, so I just laid outside by the pool. "So how has life been?" Ellie's boyfriend asks to start a conversation. "You mean between her being with two guys, I bet it's complicated." Ellie says while laughing. Her boyfriend grows a concerned look. "Well I think it's been a great experience. I don't have feelings for either one, so what's the harm?" I falsely admit. "Miley is in love with Rome, but she's in denial. She won't admit how she feels to him, so instead she lies to herself by distracting herself with another guy." Ellie tells her boyfriend. She's not wrong, but I can't admit it. "If I'm so in love with Rome I would wait here for him to message me to go over tonight, but instead I'm about to go to Joseph's house. If Rome messages me, I wont even respond." I proudly state. "I mean it wouldn't make sense for Miley to chase a guy who lives across the world, plus she wouldn't invest into someone else if she liked the first one." Ellie's boyfriend agrees. "I don't believe it for a moment. She is self destructing so she doesn't have to face the facts. Besides if you're going over to see Joseph, remember to be back tonight since I'm sleeping over." Ellie demands. I agree to be home tonight and give her my apartment keys to hold onto since she's staying there while I go see Joseph.