Cancer

This is my goodbye

(Billie's pov)

Its been a few days since we shaved my head, i usually cry every day because i miss my hair but i look alright with beanies.

It was 7 pm and tre was out shopping, he should be home soon. I wish i didn't have to convince for a half an hour that i'll be okay without him before he actually leaves.

I was just laying in bed, as usual. Its so depressing i do nothing but lay here. Ive felt horrible today, my chest feels so tight and i cant take deep breathes at all.

I couldn't catch my breath a few times, i don't wanna tell Tre this. I hate seeing him upset over me.

I know im gonna be gone soon, i can tell. Everyday gets worse i don't know how im gonna make it.

Suddenly i feel nauseous. I don't have the energy at all, but i weakly got up and went to the bathroom. I drop to my knees in front of the toilet and suddenly don't feel nauseated anymore.

But even worse, i got a sharp pain in my chest and began coughing uncontrollably. I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping that it would end soon. It hurt me so bad, i wanted to be in tres arms so badly.

Once i could stop coughing after about 2 minutes, i keep my eyes shut and try to catch my breath. I felt lightheaded as it was hard to get my breathing back to normal.

After a few minutes i could breath alright, but still not good. I opened my eyes and my heart sunk at what i saw. There was blood splattered around the toilet seat, this was the first time this has happened.

I shakily wrapped the blood off and stood back up. All i could think about was death. Knowing im feeling worse each day and now coughing up blood.

I knew what i had to do now because i knew what was coming for me soon. This would hurt tre to see me do, but this is gonna hurt now matter what and no one can do anything about it. I grab some boxes from the basement and take them back to our room.

(Tres pov)

I finish shopping and hurry back to my car. Every time i go somewhere without billie im always in a rush to get back home.

I feel so empty. I want to tell myself he's gonna get through this but its so hard. He really is miserable and hes no where close to himself anymore.

I pull in our driveway and grab all the groceries, carrying them inside. My hands shake as i quickly try to unlock the door.
My heart races as i open the door.

"Im home baby."

No response. I assume he's just asleep still. I put the groceries away and go to the steps to go up and check on him. I freeze as i see light shining from our room which meant he wasn't asleep.

"Billie?"

No response.

"Billie?!?"

I rose my voice and ran up the steps. I was hesitant to open the bedroom door. What if he was dead? I tried to ignore that though and open the door. What i saw was a mixture of relief and upset.

"Give this stuff to my mom." Billie mumbled and pushed a box full of his things aside.

He was sitting in the ground with boxes full of his things. I knew what he meant by this. I felt like laying down where i was and sobbing.

"Billie you dont have to do this"

"Dont give this to anyone, keep this stuff with you." He ignored what i said and pushed another box aside. His guitar, blue, being what caught my eye.

"Billie stop, you're... not gonna die."

"I hear how you stutter when saying that. We both know im dying we have to accept it." Billie stood up and made eye contact with me.

"Stop saying that." Was all i could get out before i looked down and started crying.

Billie didn't say anything back, i could tell he was staring at me cry. I tried not to show my emotions in front if him but i couldn't help it this time.

Once i could hold my tears in i looked up to see billie laying on his side on the bed. I sighed and shut the light off, going to the bed and laying beside him.

I got in my side too and wrapped my arm around his waist, leaning my head on his shoulder and pulling the blanket over us.

"Want me to make dinner?" I asked.

"No its fine."

"You haven't ate in days, billie."

"Shh."

Everything turned silent, almost too silent. I hate when its this quiet, it makes it harder to keep bad thoughts away. I couldn't hear billie softly snoring, signaling me that he's asleep.

My eyes felt heavy but i couldn't sleep. I wanted to be here with billie as long as i could. I pulled him closer to me and felt a few tears stream down my face.

I didnt want him to go. I dont know how I'll live without him, i dont want to, i cant. I've only made it this far because of him, he doesn't deserve any of this.

My eyes began to shut uncontrollably. I tried to keep them open but tiredness was taking over me. I gave up on fighting and let myself drift into sleep.

Right when i was asleep, i was woken up. I immediately shot up and was terrified at what was happening. Billie was shaking and gasping for air. I didn't know what to do for a second, i was shocked and frozen.

"T-t.. tr-e.." Billie chocked out while still trying his hardest to breathe.

I grabbed my phone and dialed 911 and pulled billie close to my chest. Once they answer answered i could barley talk, i was panicking. But i knew i was doing it for billie.

"M-my husb-.. husband cant b-breathe he has... he has c-cancer"

Once i finished the phone call i never wanted to make, i held onto billie tightly. It seemed he could at least somewhat breathe now, but he was still shaking and gasping every once in a while.

"Its gonna be okay billie.. the ambulance will be here soon everything's gonna be okay.."

I was breathing rather heavily. I wanted to cry and dread the fact of what's happening to my husband, but i had to stay strong for him.