heaven, hell, and purgatory [CR Crack AU]

misadventures of devil cookie and angel cookie

(collab with FandomLover8360 yes)

Once upon a time, in hell where people get burned, there lived a little gremlin. Their name was Devil Cookie (aka the reincarnation of satan but thatsastoryforanothertime) and he was chilling watching the souls of the damned burn, which is really funny to watch (somehow).

Suddenly, Devil’s eyes was blinded by a sudden unexplained amount of light as feathers seemed to pierce through said light. As soon as it was tolerable enough to do so, they opened their eyes to find…

Devil: “oy angel what the fuck”
Angel: “My sincerest apologies Devil, but I am afraid I require your help with something.”

Devil groaned, getting up. “Look, I’m in the middle of watching souls of the damned(™) burn to the ground INCLUDING Jeffrey THE Epstein. What is it that is SOOO important that you need my help?!”
 
Angel sighed lowering down to Devil “Well, because SOMEONE let Carrot out of hell, she’s been fudging up heaven with LIcorice, don’t know how he ended up in the picture, and Pure is busy with Cacao about something so your the only other cookie to turn too.” They quickly explained, fluttering their wings in annoyance.

Devil began to fly because DEVIL WINGS!!!! Oh and also they didn’t buy Angel’s story somewhat. “Ok, who led her to the gate and unlocked it for her?” They seemed to be confused. 

Angel shrugged “I’m not sure, but I have a feeling it was probably Licorice since he has the key.” Angel responded.

Devil sighed. “Get us to heaven real quick, I need some sort of confirmation that this is real and that you aren’t imagining things again.”
 
Angel muttered quietly “It was one time… But whatever, sure.” Angel shook their head and flew back up to the unlocked gate to heaven.

Devil: “Hey, wait foR MEEEEE-” They proceed to follow.
Angel: “Sorry!”

Eventually the two cookies reached the part of heaven where people who just died usually end up, and currently in the far distance there’s black fire and a lot of shouting.

Devil: “.. Man, I never knew that this place could feel like hell. Where’s those troublemakers-”

Insert explosion
Angel: “Over there.”

Devil Cookie sees explosion and they flyyyyyy. They are FASTT!! But fast flying takes up energy, and it causes them to fall onto a cloud when they get close to the source of the explosion. “Awugh…” They tiredly lookup.

Carrot’s shouting at Licorice while the two run away from an upset White Lily “YOU FUDGING BISCUITS!!!” She shouted, clearly mad.

Devil stared at the mess. “Holy shirt Angel was not wrong...did I just say shirt?” They got up. “Ok, what the fudge do I do no-”

“Yeah you can’t say those words in heaven.” Angel suddenly appeared next to Devil.

Devil: “Augh, come on! That’s my whole schtick! Well, besides being the Devil and looking like a little child despite being THIRTEEN. Well, technically thirteen thousand but I digress-”

Angel: “Sorry, Devil. Everyone has to follow the rules. But anyway, we can worry about that later. We need to do something about Carrot and Licorice.”

Devil grumbled, before flapping their little baby wings and flying towards the two troublemakers. Slowly, they still have low energy from before. Angel followed Devil albeit faster since they didn’t waste their energy.

Angel: “Stop running! You guys can’t out run us.”

Devil hears the words ‘out run’ and goes fast. Way too fast.

Yeaahhhh, they flew into Licorice. Directly.

Licorice: “AH SHIT MY ALREADY HALF BROKEN SPINE-”

Devil: “HOW DO YOU SWEAR UNCENSORED TEACH ME-”

LIcorice: ‘I DON”T FUCKING KNOW- ah man my back…”

Devil Cookie stared at Licorice. They don’t know whether they should be ashamed for ruining his back (sorta) or turn him into the Heaven Police™. They decide to laugh at him like he’s a wittwe baby that is crying because he didn’t get his mwa mwa milky-

Licorice: “Yeah...yeah….Where’d Carrot go-”

Angel: “GET BACK YOU BEET ABUSER-”

Carrot: “FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK-”

Devil stops laughing and stares at Angel chasing the Carrot. In much confusion. “Wait, is that what we’re supposed to be doing?” Licorice sat up, snapping his spine back into place “Hell if I know, I just wanted to see Pure and that damn carrot lady pushed me aside and ran in.” Licorice mumbled.

Devil turned to Licorice. “Wait, you’re gay?” They did not wait for an answer before punching him in the stomach, somehow breaking his spine. Again. For the third time. “AH- FUcking... dammit..” Insert loud screaming in the background.

They heard the screams and assumed it came from Angel Cookie. “Oh! That must mean that the holy goodie two-shoes is in trouble! Heh… deserved.... So anyways, I’ll just-” They quickly began flying around, looking for Angel Cookie.

Licorice just laid down in pain “I hate my undead life…”

-------
Angel was currently munching on a carrot “I wonder where Devil is…”

And suddenly, Devil Cookie flew in. “HEY WHATS UP GUYS IT’S SCARCE HERE-”

Angel waved hello, currently sitting on Carrot’s unconscious body “Hi Devil!”

Devil saw that Angel was sitting on an unconscious cookie and cut the act out. They stared in sudden horror. “Angel...Isn’t that a cookie you're sitting on?”

Angel looked down at Carrot then back at Devil “Yep. *munch munch*” Angel was very chill about this and just continued eating a pretty big carrot.

Devil:

Devil: “That’s very...sus of you.”

They then proceed to turn into a variation of one of those astronaut things that you play as from Among Us, Angel included but they quickly turn back.

Angel: *Hops off of Carrot, dropping the carrot they were eating* “Welp. I got her, so let’s return her to heck!”

Devil turns back to normal. “Ok, well that’s understandable-”

Angel picks up Carrot with one hand, one of Carrot’s pig tails falls off “Alrightly! Let’s go.” They said walking off to the gate.

Devil worryingly stares at Carrot, and then Angel, before they shrug. At least they get to see the souls of the damned burning again. Besides, Donald Trump fucking died and they’re gonna get a lot of entertainment from him burning like the others.

………
Pure: Licorice you alright?
Licorice: Can I die again. And stay dead.
Pure: *Hugs the Licorice* There there..