This Is a Wasteland

Part Ten

“Mads.” A voice mutters.

I push my face farther into the pillow.

“Maddie.” The voice says while slightly pushing me.

“Fuck off.” I groan.

“Come on, Doll. Vic wants you to get up and get ready. We need your help at the merch tent.”

I look up to see Mike’s smiley face.

I stare at him and he frowns.

“No smile?” He asks

I don’t feel anything.

He frowns again and kisses the top of my head.

“Come on I already got your outfit ready.”

Mike kisses my cheek and hands me my clothes.

“Get ready and then come to the front to me.”

“Okay.”

Walking into the bathroom I see a note on the counter addressed to me.

Quickly I open the note.

“Mads,

Hopefully today will be better. Don’t talk to him until you’re not angry. Clean up the cuts before you get dressed so they don’t get infected. I love you.

-Vic”

I drop the note into the trash and clean up the cuts quickly.

Why the fuck did I hurt myself again?

I’m so fucking stupid.

Anger begins filling my body and I sigh.

Staring into the mirror, I notice the dullness in my eyes.

Nothing is alive in me besides emptiness and anger.

I feel like Vic cares about me the most sometimes. Maybe even more than Jamie. Vic and I just have such a bond that can never be broken. We could get in a huge argument and be fine within five minutes at the max. Jamie and I argue too, but it only lasts maybe a day. Then there’s fucking Tony.

Just thinking about Tony makes my blood boil.

My chest gets heavy and my heartbeat speeds up.

Clenching my fists I punch the wall.

The bathroom door gets pulled open in a hurry and Mike wraps his arms around me.

“Sit down. Sit down, Mads.”

He slightly shoves me to where I’m sitting on the toilet seat and stares at me.

“Look at me.”

“No.”

“Maddie…”

I look up to his eyes and the anger drains from me.

Emptiness once again fills me.

“What are you feeling?”

“Nothing.” I sigh.

“Vic told me what you did…”

“So?”

“Why?”
“Why do you care?” I snap back.

He looks to the ground and I sigh.

“Look I’m sorry.”

“Maddie don’t be. I understand what’s going on.”

But you don’t.

“Get ready. Okay?”

I pull on a pair of leggings, put on my pink tank top, and slide my feet into a pair of all black vans. I go into the bathroom and brush my teeth before I do my hair or makeup.