I said stop overthinking // Jungkook

Clouds

"So when are you back?"

"On Sunday night."

"Take your time. I want you to be sure about your decision."

"I will call you when I come back."

I told Hyeseong I needed some time away to think about what I want.

After six months of what I would call good old fashion courting, he has finally admitted that he has feelings for me and I think that's because my ex decided to reach out to reignite our flame.

I really like Hyeseong, a gentle giant with the sweetest smile. Yet, when we first met, his attractiveness intimidated me. So much so that I couldn't take my eyes off of him and found it really difficult to speak. With him being my assistant on that photoshoot, it made things quite challenging.

I don't always work with the same team or agency but I regularly work with the one he works for so we've seen each other quite a bit in the last few months.

I first noticed the gazes but being the overthinking insecure woman that I am, I thought he was just being friendly. Then the gestures came and we became closer. I noticed how nervous he'd get when we conversed and found it adorable. We became friends with that hint of excitement. I always thought there was something without really believing a guy like him could be interested romantically in someone like me.

I'd get these bursts of confidence but quickly questioned myself, not finding the courage to ask him how he felt.

It wasn't just me. He never made a move either or asked me out, so I thought that maybe he already had someone or that he wasn't looking for a relationship, that he just liked the flirting. He'd be the relationship kinda guy.

But then Jihoo came back to Seoul and showed up on one of my jobs. As soon as I saw him, old feelings resurfaced. Hyeseong was there too and noticed my shock, awkwardness and the clear connection between the two of us. I had nowhere to hide.

That night, before I left the studio, Hyeseong admitted his feelings for me, finally confessing as he was worried to miss the chance of calling me his with my ex being back in the picture.

I was so relieved that he finally admitted it, that I didn't imagine it all.

On another hand, I was slightly disappointed that it needed Jihoo's return to make him grow the courage to be honest. I felt like maybe I wasn't enough.

So Jihoo is back. That took me by surprise.

Being together for over a year, we separated because of his father and his aspiration for his son to take over his empire. I wasn't worthy of his son because of my upbringing, education and my profession. Being a successful photographer was never gonna be good enough for him.

I didn't come from the right family, didn't have the right diplomas. Seeing that he couldn't force his son to stop seeing me, he sent him to the US to lead their New York office and we reluctantly separated, agreeing not to keep in touch as it would make it too difficult. He was my first love, my first serious relationship, my first adult breakup and first heartbreak.

The day he came back, before leaving the shoot, we agreed to meet at our usual restaurant, and when I passed the door to the private room, we fell into each other's arms again and he kissed me. I missed him so much but this kiss also brought pain to my heart.

Even though these familiar feelings have resurfaced, we have both changed. We're not the same people anymore and I don't think this is enough for me to battle his father again. This constant fight, back then, really affected my self-esteem and I don't want to feel this way again.