I said stop overthinking // Jungkook

Exhausted

It's been a month since the beach house and I haven't called Jungkook. I originally thought that I shouldn't call him before clearing the situation with Jihoo and Hyeseong and that I should wait his return from Japan and mine from Thailand.

I didn't anticipate what situation I'd be in now so I don't feel like I can call him again. I never got the chance to talk to him and my body yearns for him. It feels as though I am in withdrawal. I physically ache from his absence and the realisation that I will never feel his touch again.

I still can't believe the kind of man Jihoo has become. I refuse to think that he has completely changed for good. I need to convince him, to change his mind, to make him understand that this is not a life for either of us.

I can't be his. The thought of being intimate with him just repulses me. He's not the man I fell in love with all those years ago.

He has been in touch a couple of times but as I told him that I needed some time, he has been surprisingly accommodating. Maybe there's hope.

I leave for Thailand tonight and I have finished to pack, my suitcase waiting in the entrance hall. Sitting on my sofa, I stare at my phone.

I didn't tell Jihoo about this job, but I don't have to tell him everything. He needs to understand that I am still the same independent woman I used to be.

I changed Jungkook's name in my contacts from '3rd option', which I thought was ridiculous and definitely something he'd come up with, making me chuckle, to 'aspiration' for obvious reasons. I wonder if I should call or text him to at least tell him I want to be with him but I can't. No! Bad idea, because I have a feeling he'd try to find a way for us to be together and it could affect his life. I'd feel guilty about it and he might resent me in the long term. Maybe I should tell him it was nice but not serious and we should keep it like that.

In any case, if I got in touch with him he'd have my phone number and could contact me. I can't have that happening. I can't hope. I should just give up.

Will he be waiting for me to call though? He gave me his phone number which mean he does. I feel awful and desperately sad. Only when my vision becomes blurry do I realise that I've been crying.

Breathing in deeply, and wiping my tears, I put my jacket on, pick up my suitcase and walk out of my apartment, the taxi waiting for me at the bottom of my building.

It's late. The trip to the airport is quiet, the traffic having died down from the rush hour.

When I come out of the car, after the driver takes my luggage out of the trunk, I am suddenly faced by a tall broad man, dark short hair, black suit. He looks like a bodyguard. Did the agency arrange this? His colleague, pretty much a twin, stands behind me.

"Can I help you?"

"Please miss, stay here."

"I have a plane to take."

"It won't take long Miss. Just wait a minute."

What is this all about? Is there a celebrity somewhere? My heart races as I look around. Jungkook? Is Jungkook here? Stupid! I need to stop hoping.

I've been waiting for nearly ten minutes and wonder if I'll be able to take my flight. I came in plenty of time but I don't know how long I'll have to wait.

Every time I've asked them what it was about, I would be met by a frightening stare.

As time passes, I realise that this has something to do with Jihoo and my suspicions are confirmed when I see them straightening while looking passed me at him.