It is an emotionally traumatizing event when you or a sibling angers your father.
His very countenance changes to firm and rough movements.
His voice drips with poison and all you can do is wait for the acidic words to burn away in your heart.
He scares you. It makes you want to apologize even if it isn't your fault. You try to escape, and then he reminds you of something you forgot to do, and you must venture into neutral territory once again.
If you are in a car, it's worse. The mistake will sit behind you, perched on your shoulder, clawing at your neck as his driving increases in speed and makes turns that jerk you from left to right. If you are the eldest, you often sit right next to him, breathing in the toxic air he secretes.
Eventually it wears off. Furious breath and bitter howls turn to a gentler voice and regretful words.
He apologizes. It overwhelms your mounting fear and you feel safe again, until another accident appears after a day of hard and tiring work, then the cycle repeats and you feel even more pain.
My father scares me when he's angry. He is the most powerful person in my house; if he's upset, I'm to blame. That's just what I feel. He does not curse, he does not beat me, he does not do frightening things. But it's wrong to be mad.
It makes me feel horrible. I'm afraid of the day when he might actually attack me.
But he's my dad. I'm his daughter. This is our way of life.
