(A fictional memoir bought to you by Chronic Daily Headaches)
THE FIRST INSTALLMENT OF THE DISEASE CHRONICALS
I've never had poison flow through my veins, but this is exactly what I imagine it would feel like.
Rubbing my aching eyes, I continue to stare up at the podium. Humans are not supposed to glow in incandescent colours are they? Well, this man is. Or maybe I'm just in too much pain to decipher otherwise.
As he continued on with his lecture all I felt was the rush of blood flowing through my ears. Have you ever felt like the devil was holding you captive? With his claws embedded in your skull-right behind the ears - what was it called again . . . right, the temporal bone.
His poison slowly seeping through; first towards the sphenoid bone, then the frontal and parietal, and of course the occipital pair - which already feel like they could fall off any minute now. The wonder drug then makes its way towards your burning eyes, and oh how your cheeks will ache! Your junglers will throb; your stemocleidomastoid muscles (those two protruding structures that meet at the centre of the clavicle) will pull at your chest and your voice box will feel like it has just expanded by about a million times; your sinuses are probably filled with acid vapours judging by how they feel; your occipital nerves might as well as exist outside of your body now; your facial entry veins will dig at your internal ears and the desire to strangle your own neck with a metal chain will reach its peak.
It really helps with the pain -trust me- I've tried it; and it's the best coping mechanism by far. Another close one is massaging through the swollen pathways you can feel through your skin throughout your skull. Ha! I wonder if it's just swelling or some leaked dura matter (a.k.a spinal fluid). That's one cause of migraines too, isn't it? Okay, the ache is making me stupid: dura matter can only leak towards the base of the neck, not near the temples. I would be long dead if it snaked its way there.
It's always after menstruation that it gets so bad. Something about changes in estrogen levels causing a spike in serotonin levels. Fun fact: It happens for both genders- not menstruation silly - I meant the serotonin level change. It particularly loves women though.
Serotonin - most commonly termed as a neurotransmitter and vasoconstrictor has a variety of effects and side effects it's responsible for. One of them-you guessed it- is migraine. The most ridiculous part about this is that the specific role it plays in the fore mentioned is not even determined! It is simply believed to cause cerebral ischemia due to the dilation of blood vessels entering the neck and skull.
And that is just the 'vascular theory' of the cause of migraines. We also have another theory - the 'neurogenic theory' - to explain our beloved mystery disorder! This theory believes it to be 'a spreading depression of cortical electrical activity followed by vascular phenomena'.
On the brighter side, at least the treatment mechanisms are properly mapped (can you smell the sarcasm here?).
The lecture continues and I too remain steadfast at a splendid 0% comprehension rate.
Oh heavens above, I hate crowded rooms. Brownie points for well-lit rooms full of people. It's my primary trigger. Some people complain about their triggers being bad lifestyle, fatigue, certain foods or their mood. Luck them. At least they can avoid all that without looking like a freak.
My fortunate self's second trigger: weather changes! Perfect right, I mean I can obviously control the weather; such an easy thing to avoid. It should definitely not bug me.
It Does.
You know what the best part is? Nausea and vertigo: classic symptoms of vestibular migraine. Even better is the fact that some experience it without the headache, and some with a headache on only one side of the head. Luck them. Well at least one side is less than the other for me; I guess I should be thankful for that. The second best thing: gradually the pain seems to seep through the entire body, yay. Can you feel my joy?
YOU ARE READING
The Disease Chronicals
Random"I've never had poison flow through my veins, but this is exactly what I imagine it would feel like." A series of fictional memoirs written by fictional patients. Read on for a satirical retelling of diseases, their symptoms and their cures. Every...
