USELESS ➴ Illumi x Reader

Start: Breaking Point

━━ Y/N is pregnant ━━

> F/B > Favourite Beverage (a drink to your liking, tea, orange juice, idk...

I didn't think much of it when my period wasn't on time, with all the poison, sparring practice and the stress of going around killing people, how could I tell my body to behave correctly. The cycles had been irregular ever since Illumi inserted a needle on my head and I had a long stay in the Zoldyck Manor. Even after removing it and moving with Illumi there were other reasons to be stressed and deadlier poisons to scowl at for ruining perfectly good food.

The morning sickness came after a particularly long night, my mission was to mercilessly slaughter a whole family, I felt my cold blood mask slipping under my feet, how long could I take it? How long could I keep playing as Illumi's wife until it was too late for my soul? A long-term manipulation game was rather draining... I came home with my now rough S/C fingertips dripping blood, Illumi was nowhere to be found, the end of the year always brought insane amounts of work. Apparently, the holiday spirit didn't come to everyone, or perhaps it simply manifested differently on some people...

My hands were still shaking in the morning when I rushed to the large bathroom to throw up. It was unusual, but I blamed it on the poisons or, perhaps, my newfound humanity. An assassin. A sad desperate person who married a merciless assassin out of spite. How could I ruin his life if I felt mine fading away? How could I...

I thought that the recent meals tasting better were only the sign of my slowly trained taste buds. Had I gotten used to the poison? That was a chilling thought, what else had I gotten used to? What else did I consider as normal when it truly wasn't? My brain was a mess that day and I felt sicker after throwing up. Just the thought of it had me relapsing.

It wasn't until later that night, as I sipped F/B and wrote the same symptoms for a character of mine that the bloodcurdling thought popped up. Pregnancy. My eyes widened as I stared at the blurry white document open in the latest generation screen, my breath caught but I forced myself to even my breathing. I didn't know yet. I could simply not be pregnant. I couldn't be pregnant. I simply could not. When had Illumi not used a - oh no. I stood up, the comfortable maroon chair fell behind me, but the clatter was forgotten as I thew the mug onto the wall, bits and chips fell on the floor as F/B seeped into the wallpaper.

That little conniving fucker. He got me pregnant. This was all part of his fucking plan.

My S/C hand clutched the strap of my bag and I waved off the butlers as I rushed out of the manor, it wasn't anything new for them. I often left without a single word, there was no ruse of pretending this marriage of mine was anything but flawed and toxic.

I slid into the seat of my car, it was luxurious, it smelled of mint indicating how recently it had been cleaned. I had to play this right, I couldn't give my knowledge away just yet. Not to that manipulating thing. No. I would play this right.

I stepped on the gas and speeded to the nearest town, parked awfully on the underground park of the mall and walked into a large store. Eyes swiftly spotted the cameras as I roamed around the aisles, grabbing the most expensive bottle of whiskey and dropping it on my cart. I reached the beauty aisle and grabbed a random hair dye, something staggering different from my hair colour. Yes. This would have some use. Soon I reached the condom and pregnancy test area, I pushed ten boxes of condoms into the cart and sneaked two pregnancy tests under my sleeves. The cashier had the most worried look when his greenish eyes set on me, and then back to the items in front of him. I smiled innocently and swiped my black card, ah~ the perks of being a Zoldyck.

I left that store and saw an automobile stand on the ground floor, a smile filled my beautiful lips, I needed time to plan... I took the elevator and was skipping my way to the stand when I noticed a bathroom sign, I swerved and took a little break to pee on two sticks. What would I even do if I was in fact pregnant? There was no way I could keep a baby. Not in that manor. Could I survive seeing a piece of me being endlessly tortured? Could I stand breaking a kid into a thousand different shards only to arrange them to Illumi's image? The nausea returned and I swallowed the bile flavour in my tongue. I don't think I could. How could I ruin Illumi's life if I gave him an heir? No... How could I ruin his plans regarding Alluka and Killua? While also protecting a baby?

This was the worst possible case and I had to bite my lip until blood dripped over my chin to soothe my anger, I couldn't destroy a whole mall. No. That was too much even for my crazy rich assassin wife standards so far... Might as well just hand him the tests...

My E/C eyes fell onto the two tests laying flat on the top of the toilet, the packages said to wait five minutes, time seemed to slow down as I pulled my phone and glanced at the endless minutes passing. Five minutes. Five minutes passed, yet my eyes were still glued to the shifting numbers on my phone. I closed them, took a deep breath and glimpsed at the little squares.

Two lines.

Two red lines.

My world caved in with two red lines.

All my plans washed away, my knees felt weak, and I sunk to the floor without a sound. Kneeling on a dirty public bathroom floor as dread filled me up. No thoughts crossed my mind. Nothing.

How could I be pregnant... actually pregnant. What a nightmare.

What am I supposed to do? How can I-oh lord... I can't possibly force Illumi not to train this baby into a full-fledged assassin, broken in every single way... No, I couldn't possibly watch that happening. I can't save my own kid. Was there any way to run away? And not be found by Illumi and his Zoldyck influence? Should I truly bring a child to the world knowing they'll be forced to endure all that suffering? I-

I can't.

I can't. I can't be pregnant.

The tears that appeared to be soaking my eyes dripped down my cheeks and onto the white tile floor. He can't know. He can't know that I'm expecting. He can't know... My throat felt hollow, dry, my heart didn't seem to be beating as I grabbed the two tests, both positive and heard a strained sob leave my lips painfully.

I stood there for two more minutes controlling my ragged breathing and drying my eyes before heading out, looking at the mess in the mirror as my mind ran some damage control.

So... I was pregnant, and that was not a good thing because Illumi would do horrendous things to whatever life I put on this planet. And it was all a part of his game, all benefitial to him, to ruin me beyond anything I've ever been.

I rubbed my eyes as I cursed myself for not realizing, the poisonless food, the increase in his sex drive, the fact that all of my latest missions weren't physically demanding... I should've known better than to take the calm before the storm for granted. Throwing the pregnancy tests on the bin I left the bathroom and headed to the stand, every now and then when I was feeling bored I'd come to the mall and splurge on unnecessary things with his card. Today I was going to buy a new car, maybe two, matching ones so I could gift one to Illumi, the man who thought getting me pregnant would be my breaking point.

It was actually my breaking point, but he didn't need to know it. He would never know it.

━━ NOTES FOR THE NEXT CHAPTERS ━━

There will be different endings throughout the chapter, tagged acordingly. So if you're reading something... the endings will be tagged like so: 

━━━━━━ × ending × ━━━━━━
(check the warnings)
the end
.

━━━━━━ × ━━━━━━

If you didn't want to read said ending, you can continue reading from where you left off. Much like otome games there are branches of different endings but if you don't trigger them (in this case if you're not interested in them- you may skip them) you'll continue the plot.

these are the following options you can chose from: 
1. abortion
2. running away
3. staying
4. killing (yourself or illumi)

━━ HAVE A GOOD TIME READING ━━