USELESS ➴ Illumi x Reader

Option 1: Abortion

I arrived at the manor after a long drive with my new car, I had to be sure that my eyes wouldn't be red. The butlers were too attentive and of course their loyalties lied with Illumi. There was no one I could trust in that building, that's what made the fact that I was pregnant and had decided to get an abortion extremely difficult.

How could I even do it? How could Illumi do this to me? I couldn't. I couldn't be pregnant. I could barely keep it together on my drive, when I left the car and walked into my room my heart sped up, my lungs felt starved for air, my hands trembled as I locked myself in the bathroom, legs failed me as I sunk to the cold clean marble floor.

This was my life now. Panicking in bathroom floors, the dread that I couldn't shake off. What if I couldn't find a way to abort this child? What if I was forced to watch as Illumi and the Zoldyck broke an innocent little thing into tiny pieces and forced them onto the assassin mould? My vision was watery, I crawled to the toilet as I felt the nausea climb from my abdomen. I retched, nothing but a string of saliva came out. I cleaned myself up, adjusted my hair, walked back into the bedroom and smoothed the bed covers.

They kept poisons in the kitchen, but it wouldn't be smart to waltz in and down a bottle of cyanide could I. I didn't even know where my immunity to poisons stood, what qualities were alright... They handled that until they stopped dosing me with it. How could I simply not notice it...

The bedroom door creaked as Illumi opened it, his onyx eyes landed on me, narrowing only so slightly as he stepped inside. His footsteps silent, his long black silky hair fell over his face as he gave me a nod and strolled to the bathroom. I threw myself to the bed, taking a deep breath as my back sunk into the soft pale mattress. I couldn't show my anger, I could not. I couldn't let him know. He'd make sure I couldn't get out of this situation if he knew... A shiver ran up my spine as my throat felt dry.

"Was it tiring to go waste my money in unnecessary things?" I rolled my eyes, was it tiring getting me pregnant without my knowledge?

"No... What tired me was the job before that... It was the most confusing thing that could happen. His spouse showed up when I was trying to get in to do my job and poisoned the water. What a ...aah... When I managed to infiltrate, I found out he had been stabbed by someone else... How could I know? And then the alarms sounded because obviously there were many assassination plots going on... Your father was such a pain in the ass about it." I rolled in bed. "I need a drink, a hard liquor, not even the shopping helped my mood." I reached to grab one of the pillows and groaned into it. Thank Freya, I had a justification to be mildly angry.

The silence continued, so he wouldn't forbid me for alcohol? How could I stretch this into something useful? "Illu~ When your spouse talks about the need for a drink after a long day, you go fetch it like the good husband you are..."

"You could ask a butler for it." His voice sounded unamused and distant, was he heading out of the room?

"Call Fitz for me then. Better yet tell him to bring a bottle of vodka or some sedatives, I just want to skip today." I wiggled in bed, kneeling over the now crumpled covers and turning to face him.

I blinked and patted my hair into place, his thin pale lips twitched, his hand was still grabbing the doorknob and his eyes roved over my body. "You usually get rid of stress with sex, what's different today?"

My heart stopped, it felt like my guts were sinking as I blinked, "I did buy a bunch of condoms... and a car... I got you a matching car... it's adorable really... but when I got home, I remembered that you had back-to-back jobs today so you won't stay for long to fuck me to oblivion, will you?" My voice cracked when I pronounced oblivion but it sounded believable. At least I thought so, my eyes were drying as I refused to blink, the silence got me overthinking and second guessing myself.