Happy Birthday, September

Epilogue

SEPT 26, 2022

08/31/2022

My dear, Serene,

My Serenica Faith. Your name suits you so much.

You're probably wondering why I'm writing this letter. And you'll be able to read this when I'm gone. I left this letter to my mom just in case. I'm going to put here all of the things I wasn't able to say to you.

For the very first time, a girl had the guts to message me. I never thought anyone would like to know me personally. I was never interested in relationships because I was afraid of hurting other people.

I was afraid to hurt you so I would always ignore your messages. I wasn't sure if I like you or not. Honestly, I didn't know the definition of like.

Time passes by, I felt comfortable talking to you. Even though we only get to talk at night, it will always make me feel better. I couldn't explain what was going through my mind, you were all I can think of all day. I would sometimes worry about you when I read your tweets. And I would endlessly question myself on why I should worry about you in the first place; that's how I knew I like you.

I really like you to the point that I don't want to let you go. I wanted to court you. I took courage and ask you to meet me. And I didn't expect you'd accept right away. I was nervous that time.

We were both comfortable in conversing, as if we already met yours ago.

Which is fate, because you were the girl who helped me when I was nearly dying during kinder. I was thankful for that girl, for giving me a chance to live, she saved me, you saved me.

Congestive heart failure. I'm pretty sure you know this. Maybe you'd wonder why I'm up until 3 or 4 am. It's because I was afraid of dying in my sleep and I couldn't get to see your beautiful smile anymore. They say most people die in their sleep unexpectedly. I would always think, what if I die without telling the world I love you? What if I die without telling you how much I wanted to give my heart to you?

I told my parents, I wanted to live a normal life. I don't want to waste my life lying in a hospital bed. They knew how critical my heart condition was and even my mom can't do anything about it. Going to the hospital was part of my weekly routine. I would always go there for check-ups, secretly.

I know you're going to be the best cardiologist. You can do this! I am always here supporting you. I'm always proud of you.

Celebrating birthdays was never a thing for me. Natatakot ako dahil sa bawat taon na tumatanda ako ay mababawasan na ang araw ko sa mundo. Nung sinabi mong babatiin mo ko, hindi ako naniwala dahil walang tao ang mag sasayang ng oras para batiin lang siya sa kaarawan. You were very thoughtful and kind and perfect and everything.

I'm sorry for being selfish, serene. I'm sorry if I'm not there for you when the time comes. I wanted to give my love unconditionally before I'd be gone. I'm sorry for lying and causing you pain.

I know I'm being selfish for wanting to give my love to the person that deserves it the most, and that's you, serene. I want to court you because I want to make you happy and loved by me even in a short span of time. I'd rather love you than never.

I promised that I'd wait for you.

I promised that I'd take you to Netherlands and we'd travel around Europe.

I promised that I'd stay.

I'm sorry for breaking it. 

If I live in another lifetime I'd always wait for you.

You are my faith and serenity, the only person who can calm my heart. The most beautiful muse and art. I'm always proud of you no matter what.

You'd always have a place in my heart, Serene. Thank you for making me happy. Thank you for remembering my existence. Everything happens for a reason and God decided to put me where there's no pain no more. I'm in a safe place now, probably.

My only birthday wish was for you to be happy until the end even if I'm not by your side anymore.

My heart will always beat for you, my serene, until my last breath...

Yours,
Sean Kris Galvez