We showered and changed our clothes. Haniya gave us some spare clothes that her father sent. It feels really fresh being out of the sandy wet clothes. A few minutes later he serves food and calls us over.
Me - ...............
Jungkook - *intensely gulping* *chewing* *gulping*
Me , Haniya and her dad - ..................
Jungkook - *eating mouthful of food very fastly*
Me - ...............
Shop owner - Don't look at him like that.
He whispers.
Me - It's hard not to.
Shop owner - *slowly chuckles* It's not very nice to look at someone while their eating.
Me - I have not seen anyone eat like this.
Shop owner - He's just hungry. Why don't you eat too?
Me - I have already eaten. Thank you. Sorry too.
Shop owner - Sorry? Why?
Me - I um, I don't have any money with me, I won't be able to pay.
Shop owner - Ah silly girl, who asked for money?
Me - But-
Shop owner - You don't know how grateful I am to you.
Jungkook is still eating while Haniya is talking to him time to time.
Shop owner - Can you please come with me?
Me - Sure.
I follow him to a room inside. There is a woman with a baby sleeping there. She seems sick and pale, the baby is moving a little while sleeping.
Shop owner - We had our second daughter two weeks ago. The delivery was not so simple, there were complications. The doctor had said to keep her hospitalized for a few more days, but I don't have such a luck. I can not afford nutritional meals everyday, how can I afford the cost of a hospital bed? So I had no other choice than bringing her back home.
I listen to him attentively while he talks.
Shop owner - Here condition is not so well. There was not that much good income too. But today you came. Today in a very long time, I could give her a proper meal and medicines. Of course I didn't use too much of money, because I thought of returning it to you. But when you requested me to keep it, I finally saw a hope in recovering my wife. My daughter is not so healthy either and as a father, it was killing me thinking how helpless I was that I couldn't do anything for her. Poor or rich, every father sees his daughters as princesses, the best gifts God can gift him with.
I smile at the remark. How would it feel to be a princess? How would it feel to have a loving father and mother? Probably amazing. She's so lucky.
Shop owner - Family is what makes a person keep going. There might be problems, obstacles, disagreements, conflicts but they are never bigger than the love and connection each member holds for each other. We have had so many hard days, but none of us gave up. We always dreamt of good days. And today is the day. Today.......you saved my family.
I just stand by the door, watching him patting his daughter. It hurts. It hurts right in my heart. How many out there are suffering like this? Losing their loved ones just because they don't have money? How many kids out there are becoming orphans everyday? How many parents out there are losing their children everyday? How far the loop continues? Rich staying rich, poor becoming poorer?
For my whole life, I wondered who my parents were. Why I was left alone by the ones who gave birth to me. I hated them. I despised them. Why did they have me if they didn't want me. But I guess it's good that I was left alone. Everyone can't be princess. Someone has to be a common girl right? If every girl is a princess, who will cook? Who will do chores, take care of what other princesses need? If I have to be a common girl to save these princesses out here, so be it. I'm more than happy. I'm so happy to see a father loving his daughter, I'll take the love by just watching them.
But, where is the need for love anyways? I don't need anything. I'm just one step away from setting myself free. I'll die a common girl, and it's kinda okay not being a princess. At least I got to help one. That is way more than enough.
Me - I'm happy I could help. Your wife and daughter will be fine, you will gain more money, don't worry Mr.....?
Shop owner - Bihwal, call me Bihwal.
Me - Bihwal. I'll call you uncle Bihwal.
He nods and smiles.
Shop owner - Whatever you like.
Haniya - Dad! Can you come?
Uncel Bihwal - Yes I am. Stay with your sister.
Haniya - Yes.
He leaves and Haniya sits beside her sleeping sister. I would've taken a picture if I had my phone. Haniya calls me over to come near her. I do so.
Haniya - This is Hanyul, my sister. Isn't she cute?
Me - *smiling* Yes, very cute.
We keep talking for a while until Uncle Bihwal tells us to sleep in another room. Apparently, here's where Haniya and her mom sleep but after giving birth, she has been staying in the other room. This room is smaller than that with a one person bed. After talking, the final decision is that Haniya and I will be taking the bed, while Jungkook will sleep on the floor, uncle Bihwal will stay in the other room with his wife and daughter.
Me - Are you comfortable? Should I scoot a little more so you can have more space?
Haniya - No no, I'm fine. Don't move too much to the side, you'll fall.
Me - Okay. But do tell me if you need more space.
Haniya - Yes.
She smiles and closes her eyes. Distant sounds of waves can be heard. I look at the ceiling. To be honest, I'm kinda lost right now. I thought I won't sleep another night. Until today I was thinking ways to end this misery. Mornings came and carried new problems to me. I would think, how I'll pass another day without anyone talking to me, asking me if I ate or not, giving me a slice of attention, what new people will come, how they will adopt other kids infront of me, how I will again be called a wastage, a burden to the orphanage. I have never been out of the orphanage other than doing little jobs here and there, saving up money to walk away one day and give them the savings as a compensation for keeping up with a wastage like me. I have been here only once when the mothers from the orphanage arranged a trip for the kids to see the sea here. That was maybe 9 years ago or so. I decided to die here because it feels safe and good.
I decided to end my life in my own way, in the right place as I please. I couldn't decide how and where I was born, but I can definitely decide how and when I'll die. That's what I always thought. I am scared of life. It is so cruel and painful.
Jungkook - You're awake?
I look down.
Me - Hm. You too.
Jungkook - Yeah.
Me - Can't sleep?
Jungkook - You can say that.
Me - ......Where is Busan?
Jungkook - Hm?
I suppot my face with my right hand and look down at him properly.
Me - You said earlier that you're from Busan. So, where is it?
Jungkook - Ever heard of South Korea?
Me - Yeah.
Jungkook - Busan is a city in South Korea.
Me - Oooh. I thought maybe you were a Chinese or Nepalese.
Jungkook chuckles slowly.
Jungkook - Why is that?
Me - Um because you look like a Chinese?
Jungkook - Are you referring to my eyes?
Me - Yep, kinda. No offense though, I'm just not that much into Asians, I can't really identify who's Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Nepalese or Indonesian....
Jungkook - It's alright. You're not the only one. Hey, aren't you an Asian too?
Me - Yes, I am. But I don't look so Asian you see? My eyes....
Jungkook - Yes, you have very beautiful eyes.
I suddenly feel shy. Did he call me beautiful indirectly? I'm surprised that I'm flattered by just a simple remark. I'm not easy to get shy. Haven't really been, that's why it's surprising.
Jungkook - Where are you from?
Me - _________________. From a small town, not a big city like yours.
Jungkook - Hm.
There's a weird pause. None of us says anything.
Me - Didn't think I'll say it, but Goodnight.
Jungkook - Goodnight. Don't die in your sleep, we're dying together remember?
Me - You're lucky Haniya is sleeping. I would've kicked you hard if anyone heard you. You really are an idiot.
He just chuckles and turns to face his back to my direction. I sigh and lie back down.
He seems so bubbly and energetic. What caused him to think of dying like this? What are you holding inside Jungkook?
