Midnight Phantasm

LET SOMEBODY GO

Hi, my love. How are you?

It's been a long time, isn't it? I'm sorry that I did not find any time to talk to you. It has been hectic lately— from work, to the family, including my personal battles. Don't worry about it, though. I am handling it well as usual, and you'll probably know it in no time if things get out of hand.

My mama says hi, love. I guess she misses you more than I do. The other day she mentioned about the banana cake that I brought home on Valentine's day three years ago. She never tasted anything the same like it and she's now craving for it. I told her it was from you... and I felt bad. It's now occuring to her that she'll never get the chance to taste it again because of you. I should've told her that I bought it from the local bakeshop near your place. Or you could've just given me your recipe, you know I'm a fast learner.

Oh, I got to see Chris Martin last weekend. Angela got spare tickets to his show so I opted to come with her to see it. It was fun. There were a lot of people, mostly fans. I remember, seeing him live in concert with his band is one of our bucketlist as a couple. So I did, love. Unfortunately, you were not there with me. Well, I guess, you probably watched most of his shows around the world because you're basically just everywhere, so we're kind of even in that matter. One thing ticked off from our bucketlist.

Love, remember the bar we used to go at back in the day? It's now being replaced with a dermatology clinic. I heard that the owner of that bar died of liver failure a few months ago and his daughter is now taking over that place. She's a dermatologist, that explains the clinic. Oh, and you know, she's married to a celebrity plastic surgeon based in Montreal. I don't know why she's starting a business here when she can just go with her husband and put up a clinic there. I mean, cosmetics is way more popular in Canada than in the Philippines. People of this country are yet to embrace cosmetology. Most of their minds are still closed with regards to these kinds of issues, so I still don't get it why she wants to target the population here. But yeah, whatever. I would probably book an appointment there to get facial services when they finally open in the future. Haha!

Did I tell you that Erika delivered twin babies? Oh, it was a disaster really. She was not religious enough to attend her prenatal check-ups that's why she was so shocked when she found out she was having twins. Daniel became hysterical at the hospital. He was already struggling to make ends meet every month so that he can provide for their future baby, only to find out he's going to feed two. Gosh, it must be so stressful. It really pays when you plan for your future, like being stable enough to provide for yourself and your partner, and for your future kids as well. Parenting is a difficult job to do, I realize. I don't think I can ever handle Erika's situation if it happened to me.

I miss you, my love.

I still have quite a lot of things to say to you, but I wonder if you are ever listening.

My love, I met this guy Christian. He's been hanging around with me lately and I have been opening up to him. He knows a lot about you. He knows you're the love of my life. I tell him the same stories, the same sentiments that I tell you... and I hate myself for feeling so comfortable with him. You are the best friend I ever had and I would like for you to stay that way, but so is Christian. I see him as my best friend too.

My love, is this wrong? Is it wrong to say that I'm happy with him? I'm honestly happy with you too...

My love, do forgive me. The world knows you are the greatest blessing God ever gave me and I wouldn't trade it for anything. If I got the chance to live another lifetime, I will search for you and love you the same way as I do in this lifetime. You will always be a part of me. You're the love of my life, you are my greatest love more than the world will ever know.

But, Christian is here. You are not... here. Anymore.

I want to give him my world. I want to love him unconditonally. I want to return the love that he deserves. He's the best thing that ever happened to me after I lost you, and I couldn't bear to lose him because I'm still holding on to you. Though it hurts like so, to let somebody go— to let you go, I have to, my love. It's the only way I can give my all to him. It's already unfair to mention that I still love you despite of the love and attention that he's giving me. So, my love, please, I want to love him, without any reservations for anyone and for anything.

You'll be fine, right? I know you will since you're with our Lord God in heaven. I know that you'll be happy for me too since it's the only thing that you ever wanted for me when you were still alive: my happiness. And I am happy with him, truly and wholeheartedly.

I am only until here, my love. It's time for me to let go of your hand so as to find my way to hold someone else's too.

I love you forever, my Jacob.

Until we meet each other again.