Idk look and see

A disney mother

I remember it like it was yesterday,
I was in a dimly lit road, the trees swayed to say goodbye to me but there was nothing good to go back to. Dragging my feet I collected all my strength to leave and go home.

I stood up from my work chair and put  my teal  jumper on - the one that grandpa gave me - I hugged the green jumper just once more before putting it over my head and Leaving the warm office for the bitter cold.

Immediately, I felt the wind picking at my skin and my jumper was no barrer to the cold, I had already lost any warmth in the first 5 minutes outside. great, just great. I'm already feeling dread.
Not even home yet and I feel like running away. I scoffed
An adult afraid of going home?after work? Where would you hear that from? Was it always like this?

I remember as a child being so excited to leave school and my friends just to go home. I would jump In anticipation for the teacher to say my name and give me permission to leave school premises.  It's all I ever thought about but now it's just the opposite.

Maybe it's the fact my mums here now ( she's living with me, I'm not living with her). I've always had a strained relationship with her. She's the more outgoing one and I'm just too stern for her.  But  how could I not be like this? she was the one who left.

Not only do I have to go back to her. I have to deal with her drinking again. She's always saying she'll stop.

I've learnt to not trust her because after every bottle it's always the same story "I'm sorry" I'll stop" pls forgive me"" I didn't mean to do this to you" then why do you go back?
.
I shook my head. This isn't the time to be thinking about shut things. Looking forward there seem to be something in front of me.
a black figure. No, two black figures. I tried to focus my gaze but my weak eyes did not Yield  to my command.

For this reason I wear glasses and I had put them in my Jean pocket. When I reached to get them they had caught on to the walls of my jeans now wedged in between my hips and my denim I tried to tug at it but I seemed to have made it more stuck. Irritated, I stoped walking and tried to undo this mess.

After a few seconds of struggling (and losing a nail or two) I had finally got my glasses out. Time to see what I've been TRYING to see for last 3 minutes or so.
I put my wonder women glasses on and what I sore would shock you.

In front of my house no less.

She had crossed the line.

She was there standing as if she was waiting for me. And she was with the one person I believed I could trust. My boyfriend.

He knows my relationship with her, he knows about the abuse.  But there he was hand in hand with her.

" what are you doing" I asked more like whispered, I probably looked bewildered.

" IVS, I've been needing to tell you something" that women said she couldn't even hold her gaze on me.this can't be what I think

" it's ivy to you"

" hey now let's not get all heated"
My boyfriend responded or maybe he was hers,
he seemed to be grasping onto her hand even tighter, like she's the victim in this.

" seriously? SERIOUSLY!? You want me to stay calm."

" look this isn't-"

" this isn't what!? You've been sleeping with her haven't you!?"

....
Silence, of course.

W-why why would this happen to me?

Just a year before this he wanted to meet her and Engage how much of a horrible person she is. To see if our relationship can be forged. He did this for me so why would he hurt me?

I started pacing ,my walking was faster, I was waking in circles. Why can't I feel anything it's like im waiting for a tidal wave to hit me. Everything's still, everything too quiet then in that exact moment a crash hits me. I felt like I was dying i couldn't see. the water in my eyes covered everything the world around me was spinning, I couldn't hear anything.

And I was drowning.
My biggest fear.

" you need to stop screaming!" Screaming? When was I-
" look I know this isn't easy for you but you can't blame her I was the one who went to her and two she's your mum you should forgive her"

" a mum.. ha is that what you think she is?" A mum that's just a foreign concept. Things you'd read in children books.

" seriously can you leave her alone I told you  this is my fault"

" it is and it's HERS as well. I've had it with you, I've had it with all of you! I'm not dealing with this. I'm not dealing with HER!"
The tears were flooding from my eyes.
" get out of my site, I'm throwing all your belongings in the trash so you guys can live with your own kind"
....
The two humans - if you can call them that- looked at each other a moments of silence sweped over us and just like that they turned their back on me and left.

She left me and now she left with everything I had.

( sorry I couldn't think of anything to say or be bothered to so deal with it)