Jaan

Part 44- I'm Sorry

Adalina's POV.

Another week past while being alone without him. He promised he would be back and I trusted him however waiting for him felt like a whole year instead of a week.

The hours would pass by slowly even if I was busying myself. A side of me was hoping for him to come back as soon as possible and another side of me was thinking it would be better if he doesn't come at all.

That way, I wouldn't be placed in a tough situation again.

"You must be hating me so much right now" Ayla randomly said waking me up from my thoughts.

I planned on distancing myself from everyone for a while but turns out it's impossible when you have people like her in your life.

"Shut up" I said.

"See, you're mad" she keeps on saying that I am pretending to not be mad at her which is a complete lie.

"Well I will eventually be mad if you keep on saying that I am" I added.

"Fine. I'll stop...what happened though? You haven't said anything for the past thirty minutes" she asked concerned.

"Nothing much. He came...stayed for a couple days and then...left." I said.

"He left? How's that possible? I could've sworn he was about to loose it when he came to me for you..." she said.

Now, she had me thinking about how vulnerable I have left him. I wanted to be by his side as soon as he wakes up but I was forcing myself not to and I feel awful for that.

"Drink your tea, it's getting chilly outside" I suggested changing subjects.

"Right. How are you feeling these days?" she asked.

"Still feels unbelievable to have a baby growing in me but...it also feels like I always have someone by my side. Who's listening and feeling the emotions that I'm going through" I honestly said to her.

"Mashallah. I wonder how that actually feels." she said as I smiled thinking that one day she will also be in the same position as me.

"Are you going back to your place? You can stay here if you want." I asked her realizing the sun was getting down.

"I'm staying with you. I have some time off and I will take it to spend some more time with my bestie." she said smiling like a kid.

"As you please. I'll go take a nap now. I suddenly feel tired." I told her getting up from the couch.

"Okay, I'll prepare diner then. Give me permission to use your kitchen" she said.

"Make yourself home" I confirmed before walking upstairs.

***

I wasn't sleeping. I was just laying down while keeping my eyes closed. I had no strength to open my eyes and face the world. I just wanted to keep on laying down not doing anything.

I thought, if I sleep at least I'll stop thinking about him. But, it's far from possible.

Are you...safe and okay Aslan?

I really hope you're not beating yourself up. I don't want you to hate yourself. At all. I just want you to understand me. That, at this most serious and important moment, I am not backing up for no reason. My reason is valid.

You are valid as well. But, I just cannot risk it.

I miss him so much. Tears made their way out as I was getting exhausted of forcing myself to believe that I could forget him somehow when I know more than anyone, it's impossible to forget him.