dear, you - jihan ✧ [completed]

tenth.

thank you‚
you.

valentines is here.

i was shocked. but‚
i was also happy because of it.

finally‚ i was able to tell myself‚
‘stop it. this was it‚ the sign
i have been looking for’.

to be honest‚ i am
devastated. i am crying. i
did not expected that.

but i guess‚ this was really
what our fate was. me‚ fantasizing over
you and you‚ loving him and him‚
loving you back. i was
never really in the picture. i was just the filler of the story i thought
was mine to tell. but i guess‚
i was wrong the whole time afterall.
i was just a mere character of
your lovely story. a human who
loves you the most but
the one who you can’t love back.

if i were able to talk to him‚
i would still like to thank him. he was
still a good person for loving
you‚ so please – it hurts – but love
him back more. shower him
with your love and let him show you his
love‚ too. i wish i could tell him that
if he ever try to hurt even your
fingers then i would not hesitate to
beat the shit out of him. but i know i
can’t anymore. you don’t even know this
but i am leaving. the school year is
almost over but i decided
to just end it all here.
i am going back to my hometown‚
that way i can move on from you and
continue my life without you.
because no matter how much i wish to
have you in my life‚
i couldn’t. because you weren’t mine in the
first place. how could i even think
about spending the rest
of my life with you even if you
don’t even give a shit about me.

and thank you. thank you because without
you‚ my highschool life won’t be
complete. i won’t be able to
feel love and happiness that i felt
because of you. i am still thankful that
i met you‚ i always am.

despite the sadness i am feeling‚
i am still happy to see you and love you.
loving you was a sin‚ but also a gift.

so thank you‚ and please‚
always be happy.

in the next lifetime‚ i hope
you won’t see me as just a friend.
but someone who
you love the most.

i will go now. this will be the
last of it.

‘till the next lifetime.
i love you‚
my angel.

signing off‚
j.