After Taylor learns she has cancer she works with her manager, Joe to make each moment worth living while completing her deepest desires and facing their darkest demons.
"So," she begins quietly, so quietly he's not even sure Joe's heard him, but Joe's head jerks towards him almost immediately. "I, um. I think I decided."
Joe's posture visibly stiffens and he mutes the tv, turning so he can look at Taylor head-on. "Okay," he says, nodding jerkily and, shit, this is going to be harder than she'd hoped.
And all at once, Taylor can't do it.
She's not used to crying so much but now it feels like there's an endless supply of tears waiting to come raining down her cheeks because she can't fucking do this.
she doesn't want to die, but she's going to die anyway, and she doesn't want them poking around in her head but if they don't he'll probably die sooner but she doesn't want to live longer if it means she's going to be bedridden for months on end, sleeping her days away and waking up not knowing where she is, but if she tells Joe the truth it's going to kill him because she knows Joe wants her to try. Joe wants to exhaust every single possibility, and if he had it his way he'd let them poke around in Taylor's brain and pump her full of poison if it meant keeping her alive, and Taylor knows he means well, but. Joe's not the one with the cancer.
"Hey, hey, c'mon now," Joe soothes, rubbing circles on Taylor's back with his hand. "Joe," she gasps, peeking out through her eyelashes that are heavy and dripping with tears, "Joe, I don't want them poking around in my head."
"Tay," Joe murmurs sympathetically, fingers carding through the few strands of hair left. He was never going to stop doing it. He was clutching at her like he's scared Taylor is just going to fade away. "Baby, I know you're scared b-"
"No, Joe," she cries, clutching Joe's shoulders and pushing himself up so she can look Joe in the eyes. "No."
Joe is shaking, eyes glassy as she looks at Taylor helplessly. "What do mean, Tay?"
"I mean I don't want them poking around in my head, or feeding me drugs through a tube or any of it, I don't because it's going to get worse no matter what Joe, and I'm not sure I want to be around when that happens." Taylor exhales shakily.
"Tay," Joe whispers, blinking in disbelief. "Are you...do you want to die?"
Taylor shakes her head quickly. "Of course I don't, but I'm going to anyway, Joe, don't you understand? And I'm so scared but I don't want to like...I don't want to suffer...more than I have to. Fuck. I don't know if that makes sense but I just. I don't know, Joe, I don't and I'm sorry." Her words are only little gasps at this point before Joe grabs her chin and kisses her, hard, like they're running out of time. And, well. They are.
"I'm sorry," Taylor whimpers when Joe pulls away, cheeks flushed prettily. " I'm sorry, and I understand if you don't want to stay."
Joe's brow furrows in confusion. "What do you mean, if I don't want to stay?" His face crumbles as the realization dawns on him. "Oh, baby," he sighs, gathering Taylor up in his arms. "You know I'd never leave. Would never fucking leave you, not ever."
Taylor is on the brink of a panic attack, desperately trying to convey her point to Joe. "You do realize it's going to get worse, right? It's going to get bad, Joe. I'm going to get really, really bad and you're gonna have to...like, care for me and it's going to be horrible." Her voice is barely a whisper.
"Do you really think I would leave now, of all times?" Joe looks wounded. "Don't care, Tay. Gonna take care of you. Gonna stay with you. Forever, okay? I promised you forever and I meant it."
"You mean that now, but you're going to regret it," Taylor protests shakily.
Joe just pulls Taylor close, kissing her hair. " I will never. You know why?" He asked gazing into her sparkling blue eyes. She shook her head unsure of why anyone would stay with her.
" Because I love you. I love you right now, tomorrow, and in 10 years." He sniffled making sure he said everything.
" We're going to get through this together one way or another. It's us until the end."
"You're so brave, baby. I love you so much. You're
so brave, baby."
Her eyes were widely staring into his doing her best to blink back tears. "You're not mad?" She whimpered.
Joe shakes his head, taking both Taylor's wrists in one hand and holding them down. "'I'm not mad. Scared, yeah. Not mad, though." he closes his eyes, pressing their foreheads together. He's still shaking a little. "Really scared."
"Me, too," Taylor says in a tiny voice, eyelashes fluttering against Joe's cheek.
He could feel her love radiating even if she wasn't quite ready to say it yet, and she knew that. It frightened her that he wouldn't know just how important he was, but at that moment all worries were washed away.
She was safe, he was here. He'd saved her, and he wouldn't let it take her from him again.
They stay like that for a while, foreheads pressed together in the silence, breathing each other's air.
The next two weeks consisted of her doing online meetings and scouring the internet for the grammy's ideas. She had gotten a phone call from Tree saying that she was invited to perform the closing act. If she could she would have jumped all around the house. This was the most excited she'd been in a while.
It was a huge deal after three years of not getting invited. She also hadn't been nominated on her last album so she was really holding onto the hope that Lover would be the one. She was truly in love no longer blinded by shiny things, but truly feeling the essence of care and protection.
She spent hours flipping through catalogues and yelling for Joe whenever there was a new dress to put on the list or to see which pair of earrings would fit her best. Every time he came up with a smile speaking with pure adoration and kissing her forehead going back down the stairs waiting for the next time her voice came through the house.
She'd finally decided on a blue and green dress that reminded her of the winter wonderland at their first real date. It was perfect, just like him.
She'd ordered everything and told tree about her ideas for the stage design making it clear that there had to be snow falling at the end. She wanted him there with her circling all around even if he couldn't be up there physically.
As the days continued on she found more and more inspiration having added in icicles and a small bracelet that Joe had come home with one day saying the infinity sign showed that their love was forevermore. This performance would make up for all the one's she's missed these past few months and she couldn't wait to hear the fans.
Sometimes her insecurities took over she was afraid she wouldn't end up with any nominations or wins. This album was so personal and filled with emotion she hated the idea of never knowing what people truly thought of it or if they even liked it. But as long as she was there alongside her lover everything would be okay. She felt clean. It was truly a dream come true.
—— I imagined this kind of dress but maybe with sleeves💙💙( if you don't like it then just imagine whichever other you'd like :) )
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