If you don't know then you'd better get your head screwed on right! They don't. And sooner or later, after you stop buying from him your dealer's gonna come after you for taking money out of his greedy pockets! I know because it happened to me three days ago.
But it didn't really bother me that much.
Phillip Snyder is a lowlife drug dealer and Crystal Meth cook. He would have absolutely ruined my life if I'd not departed Orlando foolishly thinking I could get clean in New York City. But mine was a classic case of luck. Phillip Snyder only cared about himself. And so do I these days, but in a different way.
I have to be honest!
Most of your run of the mill drug addicts are selfish in that for the most part they don't care who they rob to facilitate
their highs. But other than running up a few tabs with a couple of thieving dealers, I never stole from anyone. I just didn't get high when the only way to fund it was by robbing someone else. So I was an honest criminal , quite the contradiction of terms. But that's changed now that I have 143 days of clean time under my belt.
There are no contradictions.
Instead, the things that I have the luxury of worrying about are what I'm going to wear to church, what movie I wanna watch and what I want to take out of my full freezer for dinner tonight. So my life has definitely taken a turn for the better. And if that sounds boring to you, you're probably going through active addiction. And if you are, what excuse are you using to justify what you do?
Is there a drug dealer or a fellow addict leading you astray? Have you capitulated to the idea of addiction being some disease, or precursor attained at birth? Or maybe you're honest enough to admit that you simply get high because you enjoy the way it makes you feel. Not that those should be any kind of viable reason for using.
The simple fact I wanna point out here is that addiction more than complicates a person's life.
When I got high I always had to worry about whether the auditory hallucinations were real or not. Were the cops gonna break down my door and drag me off to the psych ward or maybe prison? And I have to be honest, it was horrible. But it was something I chose to put myself through. No one, not even Phillip Snyder ever held a gun to my head, forcing me to get high. And even if he would've, I'd have been far better off taking a bullet than putting myself through the hellish perils of addiction that I did.
It only matters in what state you die, not how.
The same as birth, death is a part of life. And the very same way people dread the thought of an infant being born a Heroin addict or Crack baby, so too should they fear the thought of dying in the sin of active addiction.
The Bible makes it very clear that as a tree falls so too shall it lie in eternity, an infinite echo of what we were unrepentant of at the time of our passing. So while a baby born to an addict has hope of redemption, the fallen addict has none. Thus a person is far better off sacrificing worldly pleasure, as they possess the gift of free will. And I strongly believe that this reflects on my belief that mankind ought not follow the misleading part of Bill and Bob's Big Book that proclaims they can only recover after they create a god of their own understanding. So at the risk of beating a dead horse, I have to reiterate that ONLY God is God, not some figure we create!
Thus there is only one way to recovery, redemption!
I had absolutely no idea whether or not I was gonna be able to get myself clean this time around. And to be perfectly honest, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to. But I was really tired of the tumultuous life of addiction I was leading. So in the worst circumstance I figured, the same as before, this was only gonna be a respite from the needle. But God Almighty had other plans for me.
This I learned courtesy of a Minister.
Sitting in church three weeks after arriving back in Orlando, God revealed to me through Paul's letter to The Ephesians that I had to give up the needle. And his reason was plain and simple. God is God! That's it! There were no deals or exceptions to the rule, neither was there any great cause, other than my salvation behind it. So the choice was clear, live or die.
But it went deeper than what I'm saying.
I have not the slightest doubt that God made the decision that I was unable to make for myself. He took me by the hand and redeemed me, yanking me away from the jaws of demise. He poured His Grace upon me and renewed the way my soul perceives His Word. And it's not even like I read The Bible every day.
I do pray though.
I pray the way I used to pray when my very life depended on it, And I pray constantly. I also pray the prayers the Pentecostal Church forsook, such as the Our Father as well as the Serenity Prayer.
