dear rotten diary, I give up.

day 1

Dear rotten diary,

Today is my first day writing here, or well, tonight. I've been thinking of doing this for a while, but my fear of being judged has always stopped me. I've considered doing this for many reasons, one of them being a way to cope, to express what I feel freely. I don't like talking to my friends about what happens in my daily life, at least not all of them. If I'm finally here, it's because I've stopped giving a fuck. If I'm here, it's because I can't trust anyone else but myself. So hello, welcome. I am an anonymous teen trying to survive, or quite the contrary, wanting to completely disappear.

Enough bullshit already, what are these even for? What do you write in a diary? Maybe I'll write about me day. Yeah. I'll do that. Let's see.. today I went to the mall, and you might say "oh that sounds fun" yeah it was, except for the fact that I had to go with my family. My corrupted and narcissistic family. Should I give you a tour? Here is my anonymous mom, a sad, manipulative and narcissistic cancer who cries to get her way. Here is my anonymous stepdad, an annoying no brain cell having Virgo. And finally, I present to you, my anonymous sister, a 9 year old sadistic bitch who follows in her manipulative mom's footsteps. Oh what a life, isn't it? Well maybe the fuck not. Aside from all the manipulation and crying, let's look at the fucking bright side, I bought a few pieces of jewelry. I should be grateful.

After the mall, we went to eat, where I got to text my anonymous girlfriend, who of course, at some point got annoyed or mad at lord knows what, and here I am. Sad over something I didn't do. Why is he mad? What can I do to fix it? Why won't he let me fix it? Why can't I help? Let me help. I'm not going to beg him, I'm not going to follow him, I won't. Curiosity kills the cat doesn't it? Maybe I should stay put. I can't help him, because he doesn't want help, and I should understand that. Yet, I feel sad, and worried.

Sometimes I feel like this world is just too fucking weird for me, or maybe I'm just fucked up. Anyway. Goodnight, sleep well, or don't. I know I won't. Fucking insomnia.