Thaw

Processing

***BUCKY'S POV***

I knock on the door.

"Bucky?" Sam answers. "What the hell are you doing here? You just left yesterday. Where is Katia?" Sam starts rattling off questions.

I decided to fly back to Louisiana... I didn't know what else to do. I even called and pushed my therapy appointment off another week. In retrospect, that might not have been the smartest thing to do... but honestly I'd rather talk with Sam about this than Doctor Raynor. Of course Doc wasn't pleased to hear me rescheduling for a second time, and she could tell by the tone of my voice that I was not well...

"I'm here alone." I say, preferring brevity until we can speak somewhere private.

"What did you do?" Sam's eyes get wide, annunciating every word as he leans back and crosses his arms.

"Can we talk somewhere private." I look around, hands in my pocket. I had nothing with me. No luggage. Not even a toothbrush. Just my wallet, keys and phone.
I keep checking my phone... I don't know why. I have never paid any attention to the damn thing until this past week.
I miss Katia... terribly. But I feel so betrayed and angry, I need to process this before I can speak with her.

"Let me grab some beers and we will take the boat out." Sam disappears momentarily and grabs a 6 pack of local beer and we head for the docks.

It's afternoon, and the docks are busy with people fishing, repairing nets, flushing boat engines and scrubbing down surfaces among other daily tasks. No one notices me, and I'm glad. I don't want to talk to anyone else. I don't even really want to talk to Sam about this... but I have no one else. We aboard his boat, and depart to sea. I look out the cabin, staring at the railing where Katia and I first had sex. The thought giving me a physical reaction sexually and emotionally...

Sam cracks open a beer, the crisp pop effectively dragging me back to the present and I turn and face the other direction.

"You've been staring at that rusty old railing since we embarked. Talk to me Buck." Sam hands me a beer. I take a swig.

"She's telepathic." I blurt out. I lean against the inside of the cabin, out of the sun and away from the side of the boat Katia and I made love.

Sam furrows his brows, and scrunches his lips tight together. He is silent, and looking at me like I have become the Winter Soldier again and I'm speaking Russian.

"She reads minds, Sam. She's been in my head- your head... fuck.. everyone's head!" I wave my arm around wildly, staring intently at him hoping he understands what I am saying and that I'm not losing my mind and speaking Russian unwittingly.

"Okay... I'm not sure what surprises me more... the fact that she can read minds, OR the fact that she has been reading your mind for over a week now and still wants to be with you." Sam retorts seriously with a hint of humor.

"This doesn't bother you?" I say annoyed and loud, his under-reaction making me feel like I am becoming unhinged.

"It's weird, but believe it or not I have a lot of weird friends. In fact, the weirdest one is standing directly in front of me yelling at me about how his girlfriend can actually do something the rest of us can't... when he himself has super human strength and a metal arm." He spits at me. I bite my lip in anger.

"Let me ask you something Buck, is she reading our minds for a reason?" Sam leans back, and I sigh and look down.

"She told me she can't 'turn it off.'" I sip my beer and make eye contact with Sam again. He nods.

"Okay, so she reads minds... because she has to. How does that make her a terrible person? What else did she tell you?" He asks me and sips his beer.

"She didn't tell me she was telepathic until last night. She went a full week keeping this massive secret from me, and I'm not even sure what else she is capable of doing. What if she is trying to manipulate me to do something terrible? What if she just wants to fuck with me? She knows my past."

"How do you not know what else she can do? Didn't you ask her??" Sam asks me pointedly.

"No, I got angry and left shortly after she told me." I admit, rubbing the back of my neck and feeling like a huge asshole.

"If she meant anyone any harm, don't you think she would've done something by now? If she wanted to control you and set the 'Winter Soldier' free to destroy the world, don't you think she would've already done that? She's either an extremely premeditative criminal mastermind, or the world's shittiest villain.
Oh and she saved a baby's life yesterday, by the way." Sam adds.

I silently nod my head and stare at the ground, chewing on the side of my lip. My chest fills with guilt and sadness. My eyes grow big, and I feel empty... like I've lost something invaluable.

"Maybe she had a good reason for not telling you, or anyone else. Did she tell you why she kept it from you?"  Sam asks carefully.

"No... I didn't give her the opportunity to say much of anything. She called her powers a 'curse.'" I sip my beer and look back out to the railing. My eyes swelling slightly.

"You aren't angry Bucky... I've seen you angry. You break shit and your focus is disturbingly unwavering.
You are hurt. It's okay, man. I get it. But I have to tell you a story about this guy I know..." Sam starts.

I look up at him, and raise an eyebrow and purse my lips to the side.

"There is this old man I know, who used to be a mass murder. Killed thousands of people. He was considered one of the world's deadliest people.

I also knew this other old guy... really nice dude... he actually used to be best friends with this psycho serial killer. He told that all these terrible things this guy did was not by choice, but that he had been brainwashed. Well... I trusted this nice old guy I hardly knew and brought his brain-washed killer best friend back to clear his name and get his mind back.

And you wouldn't believe it, but this ex-murderer is now one of my closest friends and I even welcome him in my home and around my nephews and I trust this crazy old bastard with my life." Sam finishes his metaphoric synopsis.

I roll my eyes, and sigh.

"Point is, her and I have something in common. We both trust you and accept who you are. Why can't you give her that same courtesy?" Sam asks pointedly.

I place my hand on my face, and sigh heavily. Sam was right... I'm a fucking dumbass. I literally left her all alone after she told me something so important to her.

"I'm a fucking idiot." I say aloud, shaking my head.

"I could've told you that when you first got here." Sam retorts, snorting.

"Why would she be afraid to tell me?" I wonder out loud.

"Besides the obvious? I mean... you stormed out on her. That itself is a good enough reason to be afraid to tell someone something.
You are a control freak hot-head sometimes. You come off like this cool and chill quiet guy, until someone upsets you and then you become the angry cyborg who destroys shit." Sam says.

My chest is tight with apprehension again... my mind racing over all the details of last night and how much of an asshole I was. I hope she will forgive me... I need her to forgive me...

"Just for the record, I did call this. She is a damn sorcerer, which would make her one of 'The Big 3.'" Sam laughs at himself, but then stops when he sees my expression.

"I need to go." I say sternly.

"That a boy." Sam hits my arm and starts bringing us back to the docks.