Saving You

Chapter 4

Lauren's POV

The whole car ride home I had my hand on the inside of Camila's tight, caressing if softly, hoping she would catch my drift of what I did want. I don't know if it was the alcohol but I was feeling so horny, and her in that black dress drove me crazy. Camila moved her fingertips up and down my arm the whole time. How can she do such a sweet gesture when I am so horny?

We pull up to my driveway and walk inside and I instantly shove her against the wall and kiss those perfect lips hard, I sucked on her bottom lip and moved my hands down to her butt and gave it a little squeeze and a moan escaped her mouth which turned me on even more. I kept kissing her for a while and then I removed my lips from hers and kissed down her neck and tried to lift up her dress but she quickly cut me off.

"No- Lauren I am not ready I just.. Please, not tonight"

"What do you mean you're not ready? You fucking had sex for money and you're not ready to fuck me?"

"You're not just a fuck to me Lauren, I have deep feelings for you and I care about you a lot, I want it to be special with you."

"Oh please Camila, I want to fuck you right now."

"Is that all I am to you? A fuck?"

"Are we going to fuck or not?"

"You're drunk, Lauren. Let's just go to sleep."

"Are we going to fuck, Camila?"

"No."

"Whatever, I need a smoke."

"That's disgusting, Lo. You should not do that, it's terrible for you."

"How am I the disgusting one when I found you in a fucking whore house selling yourself?" I snapped back and the way that her eyes widen and lips fell apart absolutely tore my heart apart. I knew that I was drunk and it was the alcohol speaking but I had no right to say that to her. She's the farthest thing from disgusting. She immediately walked away and I grabbed her wrist.

"No Camz.. Please, I'm sorry"

"Please don't"

"Camz, please.. I'm drunk and being an idiot, I am so sorry."

"I know that you're fucking drunk, Lauren. Let go of my wrist now"

"Baby please"

"Don't baby me. I'm sleeping in the spare bedroom tonight. Fucking let go."

She ripped her arm from my grip and stormed up the stairs and slammed the bedroom door shut. I grabbed a water bottle and sat on the couch. I was drinking the water and sat there for about an hour and the next thing I knew it was a couple of hours and I was starting to sober up. Guilt was eating at me more than anyone could even imagine. I told her she was disgusting, that I just wanted to fuck her, she opened up to me about how she felt about sex and I treated her like she was so worthless. I feel like the worlds biggest asshole. I didn't even realize all of these tears that were falling from my face and I got up as fast as I could and ran to the spare bedroom. I opened the door quietly and could hear soft sobs which meant she had been up here crying this whole time. I internally punched myself and walked over to her despite her possible protests, I lifted the blanket and crawled in behind her. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her back to my front and got as close as possible and kissed the back of her neck.

"Please don't hate me, baby" I whispered and kept kissing her neck.

She cried in response and that broke me. I tightened my grip on her and let her cry which eventually turned into me crying as well.

40 minutes. 40 minutes has passed and we both done nothing but cry. I just held her so tight.

"I'm so sorry, Camila."

"You're such an idiot, Lauren."

"I know."

"You're not allowed to ever fucking drink again."

"Okay." I whispered and placed more kisses on her neck.

"Are you going to break up with me?" I whispered and was surprised she could hear me.

"No. You're just an idiot."

"I know I am, Camila."

"Why would you act like that? Why would you act like I was some kind of fuck? Why would you say those things about me? You know my situation, Lauren. I trusted you and you used it against me."

"Because I'm an idiot, Camz. I fucked up and I didn't mean anything that I said about you, I don't think you're disgusting, I think you're the most beautiful girl in this whole entire world, and you didn't deserve that. I was disrespectful and acted disgusting by talking to you that way."

"I'm not ready to have sex with you."

"I understand, baby."

"No you don't. I want to be with you, Lauren. I really really want too. I want you to touch me and have me in that way, I want you to have all of me but I can't because all I think about is Ray and those other men that did that to me. Flashbacks in my mind all of the fucking time, I can't even sleep because all I can see is him on top of me. I want to be with you, but I'm really not ready."

She turned around and buried her face right in my neck and I could feel her tears which made everything way more real.

"I understand and I respect you and I am so so sorry, Camila. I'm so sorry. I'm such a fuck up in this relationship, I promise I respect and care about you so much."

"I don't doubt that you care about me. But I'm serious, you're not allowed to drink again."

"Agreed."

She hugged me tighter and I kissed her on her forehead a bunch of times.

"I'm so sorry, I hate myself."

"I don't hate you."

"You should."

"I shouldn't. You were drunk, Lo."

"I know. I'm still so sorry."

"It's okay, Lo."

"No baby, I just.."

"What?"

"There's so much I want to tell you."

"Then tell me."

"Tomorrow."

"You sure you're ready?"

"I'm positive. I trust you, Camila. More than I trusted anyone in this world."

"I trust you too, Lauren." She whispered.

I kissed her softly and pulled back.

"God, you're so perfect Camila."

"Stop it." She kissed me again and I smiled and hugged her close.

"Goodnight, Camz."

"Goodnight, beautiful."