itbomm

chapter 17: the beginning is a great place to start

It made sense, in a bizarre sort of way.

At first, he thought that maybe it was one of those screwed up scenarios where his soul combined with Athanasios, and on top of that, it was an Athanasios who had gone back in time. He considered ideas after ideas, looking for a way to try and explain why he felt so unsettled in his own body.

In his previous life, he was born in the wrong body, but now he was born in the right body with an identity that felt wrong to him. That wasn't a change that could be so easily accepted when he's lived it for a life, and yet, he couldn't find himself hating the fact that he had a father now, and he knew that he didn't personally hate Athanasia either, despite his intense jealousy.

But, if Athanase was the original Athanasios, one who lived his life falling in an unrequited love, one who hated his sister but supported her, one who ended up dead, then it starts to make sense.

Confusing as it might've been, it was easy to compartmentalize, to refer to himself as Athanasios, Athanase, and Athan.

Because this is a fact:

Athanase cares about his sister.

Athanasios had grown to hate Athanasia.

And Athan almost wishes he never realized this.

Autumn stares at him with a rather blank expression, "I'm not saying that I don't believe you, and while I do think it's a possible theory, I feel like you ought to maybe think it over some more. You've been through a lot throughout the past few months, with your sister, the Crown Princess, being bedridden, and then your collapse..."

Well, at least she wasn't outright denying that it was possible.

Maybe there was a way to prove it...

.

(Sometimes, Athanase wishes that someone told him that he would grow to hate his sister from the very start.)

.

Hmm. It probably won't prove much, but it'll support his theory.

"Autumn, when you wrote Toska, did he hate his sister?"

"Pardon?"

"Did the original Athanasios hate his sister, the Crown Princess?"

She frowned.

"He did."

Part of him wasn't sure if that was the answer he actually wanted to hear, or if he wanted her to deny it. Maybe if she denied it, he would start to believe that he wasn't actually the original Athanasios.

Deep down, maybe there was a part of him that hoped it was just an overactive imagination.

"Even though the Prince was never interested in the throne, he felt that his sister was more loved than he was, even though they were both about the same since they both keep to themselves," she stated. She sounded an awful lot like one of his therapists in their previous life — precise and straight to the point, the slightest bit uncomfortable, but not overtly so. "I didn't write anything about telepathy, but the Prince knew his sister better than anyone without a need for conversation — at least, not until Ijekiel came into the picture after their début, when he was introduced as Jennette's Fiancé."

It sounded like a relatively dumb theory, but... was it possible that Athanasia had met Ijekiel without him knowing? Ever since the Magician Boy became her playmate, as well as the official confirmation of Verena becoming his playmate, there wasn't a lot of opportunities for him to see his sister. On top of that, her playmate was a freaking magician with magic capabilities. Perhaps Lucas and Athy magically left the castle grounds on a whim?