I'LL LOVE TO BE LOVED

TROUBLES

We were a part of a band and I was satisfied that Akul and I were on the same team. Rehearsals were going to start soon and our band leader officially started our first band meeting. Akul sat beside Aahana and so did I. Akul and I, separated by Aahana. I looked at every member of the band and it was composed of all those spoiled friends of Vihaan as I thought. I looked at Aahana in horror, gulping the saliva. She was all focused on listening to Vihaan so I too focused on him.
"...........thing that captures everyone's attention and blow there minds. Lyrics need to be relatable so choose the genre wisely. I think pop-rock's the way to victory." He ended and I completely missed the first half.
"So what should be the song about?" Akul asked and I don't know why but my conscience ordered me to reply.
"Being a teenager myself......" I started.
"You are not the only teenager here." Vihaan interrupted and all his friends laughed at me and that was shameful. I blushed red regretting to speak already. Aahana gave me a thumbs up and I wasn't sure it was cause I tried speaking or presenting an example of my psycho nature to Akul again.
"What I meant was, most of the teenagers I know love pop rock with a hint of romance in the lyrics, we can do that." I somehow finished what I had to say. That was difficult.
"So who'll write the song?" Aahana asked grinning at me. I smiled back. I was so good at writing those songs.
"Not that I am recommending but Akul scored 99 in English out of 100. Teacher praised his creative writing in front of whole class." One of Vihaan's friend spoke.
"Great. Shravya can help." Aahana spoke and my heart grinned thinking, 'Anything to be with Akul.'
Akul turned to me, "You'll help me right?" And smiled at the end. That wonderful smile like the antique piece of art, I froze again.
"Sure she can." Aahana replied on my behalf and bumped me. "It's not the right time to freeze." She whispered to me.
"Great. Complete the first verse. I'll come back after a while." Vihaan ordered and walked out of the room with his friends. I gritted my teeth in anger and he ordered us to work. Aahana winked at me and walked out too. I wasn't sure what was that action for. I took out my song book and a pen and started brainstorming for some good lines.
"Thought of any title for the song?" Akul asked with that sweet smile of his and it was then I realized I was with Akul all alone in a room and it was then I started to massage my fingers.
"Not yet." I spoke softly. I don't think voice even got out of my throat. I spoke so softly that even a whisper will sounder louder than that.
"A bit louder please." He requested. I looked into his eyes and shouted out so loud, "NOT YET."
He closed his eyes in response I looked lovingly at his innocent and cute face. He took a moment to open them back, "Are you scared of me or you are this weird around everyone?" He asked.
"I don't talk to boys more often." Silly excuse.
"Let's be friends?" That was a question he asked me, a girl that wanted to be with him forever. It was a chance I didn't want to miss.
"Huh!" That was what I uttered in response completely ready to miss my only chance to be Akul's friend.
"I am serious. My name is Akul Jindal. I play keyboard, drums and guitar occasionally. You are?" He extended his hand towards me and my heart smiled so big but my face turned expressionless.
"Shravya Sharma. My father's an ex army officer and now runs an multi purpose shop. Music is just a hobby for me. I write and sing songs." I replied like a robot and immediately cursed myself as I left his hand hanging and he awkwardly pulled it back.
"Now we are friends. So tell me why you joined this club. Ever since I am in this school I am a part of this and never saw you here." That question again freezed me after all how was I suppose to tell him he was the reason for me joining that club.
"Ummm...........cause this club rocks." I replied like a stupid. He laughed at my answer and spoke, "You are hilarious." I smiled at his laugh and relaxed a bit. We continued our talk and discussed our favourite song and band. I was really enjoying my time with him so much that I forgot why we were there for.
"What you wrote so far?" Aahana entered.
"Huh!" I turned to her.
"The song?" She asked casually and I realized I didn't even open my pen's cap.
"We totally forgot about it." Akul spoke totally cool about it.
"I don't think Vihaan will let this pass Akul." Aahana commented and that scared me. I started turning pages of my song book in order to find a perfect song among my previous works.
"I know Vihaan will understand." Akul added. And then I saw Vihaan approaching, straight postured, one hand in the pocket, tie hung down, shirt not tugged in, carrying his coat over his shoulder in one hand, hairs side partitioned and hiding the frown on his forehead and anger on his face. I understood someone got victim of his anger again and next on line was me.
"It's done." I stood up and spoke to him in fear. He stared at me with that 'huh' look on his face and without a word he took the song book from my hand, turned it's pages and read it with an intense look. I was thinking, 'which song are you reading, short tempered guy.' I looked at Aahana who was busy chatting with Akul. Vihaan closed the book and every eye turned to him. He was expressionless and all he said was, "Chorus is missing."
"Huff I am safe." I thanked God.
"Hm, Can I see it?" Akul asked me politely and I handed him the book, still unaware of the song but was glad that he was reading my creations. But soon it hit me, the middle pages, with Akul's photo pasted and his name written in red pen with, My first crush, written in bold. I froze in fear as he read the song. And then again my brain reminded me Vihaan telling about the missing chorus. There were only two songs that were not finished, both dedicated to Akul. The problem was with the last song I was working on. It was the collection of all my feelings, I poured my heart in that song. I hoped to sing it with Akul the moment I enrolled myself in that club. And that shook the floor underneath my feet, I felt like whole world collapsing in front of my eyes. My heart was ready to leap out of my chest any second. And I myself felt like burning alive.
"I know the perfect lines for the chorus." Akul scribbled something and showed it to Vihaan but my mind was hung on that middle pages. Vihaan hardly gazed at the book and then gave a grin to Akul with a nod as if it was his creation. Which I later got to know, it was truly Vihaan's creation.
"Great. We'll meet together in the practice hours." Vihaan commanded and handed me the song book. That was when I breath again. I checked my song book and felt like thousands of needles piercing my heart. It was the same song that I didn't want it to be, I'LL LOVE TO BE LOVED. Everything was perfect, Akul and I were in the same band, I wrote a song, he read it, he finished the lyrics but I had to sing it with the guy I never liked with the same emotions that I felt for the guy, I had deep crush on. I wasn't liking the idea at all. Whole day I thought about it and finally got an idea. I worked whole night and wrote a new song and all I hoped was for Vihaan to approve it. I ran to the music room that day and found him sitting in front of the keyboard. As I entered he started playing the melody of my song and not going to lie, I loved it. I listened as he played the tune and soon was lost in the song. He was engrossed in playing and I loved the melody. I remembered why I went there and shouted, "STOP." He stopped but didn't turn back to look at me.
"What?" He didn't shout. I felt the pain in his voice that day. I don't know why but he sounded sad. I brushed the doubt rising in my heart and spoke to him firmly, "I can't sing this song."
He didn't speak for a second as if taking some time to hide back his pain and turned to me with a frown, that was the Vihaan I knew and hated. I stepped back and braced myself for his anger. He stood up, walked to me and scratched the back of his neck looking at the side. He then fixed his stare at me and spoke, "No one is compelling you to sing. Leave the band." That was rude.
"What I mean is, no one can sing it." I spoke again. I don't know where that confidence came from.
"And why is it so?" He asked.
"I wrote it so I'll decide we'll sing it or not." I replied.
He stared at me for a second and move closer to me, leaned down and our gaze met.
"Listen girl, I don't know how good you think your memory is but let me remind you, it's not completely your song." He spoke rudely.
"And how exactly?" I spoke in the rudest way I could think of.
"Chorus remember." He tapped between my brows and all I remembered was Akul scribbling the words in my song book. So I became quiet and started thinking about a better excuse.
He moved back and spoke, "I don't think you can come up with any good reason so stop thinking."
I wanted to sing that song with only one guy and that was Akul. My heart was literally crying. My brain was constantly signalling to shout out loud at Vihaan that, 'This song is for Akul and not you.'
Alas! All I did was move forward stomping my feet and spoke to him in rage, "You are pathetic." Those words came straight from my heart.
"Anything new? I know I am pathetic." He spoke grinning at me.
"Yeah, actually there is, this song is about love, it's emotions are so real and I'll love to sing this song. What's the catch? Not with you. You are self centred guy with a rock heart. You can only spread hatred not love. I wanted someone who could express these emotions in a right way and you are not that someone. Actually you are not worth it. You can't respect anyone. You can't sing this song because you don't know what love is and you can never understand it's meaning. No wonder why everyone HATES YOU."
I poured out all my anger and laid it in front of him. I looked into his eyes and before I could think anything, he looked at him with fury and his hands reached my neck. Adrenaline rushed down in my body making my whole body numb for a second. My blood ran cold. His grip was tight and was suffocating me. I tried to get free, I kicked, I slapped on his hand, I tried everything but nothing worked. With every second passing by, I felt myself approaching towards the bright light in the sky. I gasped for one last breath and stopped struggling as my lungs gave up. I closed my eyes and rested. Next thing I remember is Aahana grabbing me and me falling on my knees breathing deeply but fast while Aahana rubbed my back.
"Are you mad?" I heard Akul yelling at Vihaan and I turned towards the voice. I saw all our band members around Vihaan, calming him.
"Are you okay? You need water?" Aahana asked me. I shook my head in no and stood up, my body still shaking in fear. I didn't dare to look at Vihaan again. All I heard him saying was, "I quit." And the slamming of door. Shiver ran down through my mind and I trembled. Silence conquered the room. My breathing was normal yet I felt dizzy. I left the room and went to playground to get some fresh air. Vihaan's thoughts kept haunting me. I didn't find my mistake no matter how hard I tried. I said nothing so bad that Vihaan wanted to kill me. I wiped my tears that came flowing down to my cheeks without my approval. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and found Akul standing behind me. His presence wasn't enough to forget about the incident from before. He sat down beside me but didn't speak a word. He took out the headphones from his ears and put them on mine. He pulled out his phone from the pocket and touched the screen. As soon as he did that I heard the song by my favourite band. My hands reached for the headphones as I had no plan to listen of the songs. He holded my hand and asked me to listen. I remember almost ten songs playing on my ears one after the other and Akul sitting silently by my side.
I took off the headphones and turned to him and I relaxed.
"Better?" He asked. Akul by my side, we sitting on the same bench, trust me, that felt like a dream come true. I was feeling a hundred times better but had to hide those feelings from him. So instead of hugging him tightly, which I intended to, I simply nodded in reply. It was crazy right?
"This technique works best when I am sad, nervous or scared. Music has the power of healing." I looked at him in surprise as I recalled he playing the songs of my favourite artists. I was extremely happy to know that he remembered our conversation.
"See, I am sorry. You know Vihaan right? He is crazy. His anger don't let him think even once before doing anything........." He kept going on without looking at me and I know he had regret in his eyes for some reason. I simply nodded at his conversation.
".........What you talked to him about?" He asked at last. I only thought of one thing, why our conversation has to end with a question whose answer rotates around you.
I turned red in shame and started staring at the ground.
"You didn't reply?" He asked for an answer again.
"Uh......actually....I.....don't want to talk about it." I replied looking away.
"School's almost over. I'll leave now." I spoke and saved myself from his questions. That was the day Vihaan became the villain of my life. I decided to avoid facing him. I quit the band too, everyone insisted me to stay but I stick to my decision.
Auditions were on Monday and I wasn't sure my ex band was still performing or not, in fact I wasn't even sure about it's existence. It was Saturday and I was engrossed in reading my textbook that Reyansh and Vineet joined me along with Aahana. I made a confusing face as I looked at them with hate in my mind, only because they were completely opposite of me. But sometimes our mind make mistakes in understanding one's personality. We create a mind-set about a person without actually knowing them and in my case I was doing the same. I was a bit scared looking at them.
"How are the band preparations for audition going?" I asked Aahana as everyone stared at me with big and pleading eyes.
"You mean for the band that don't exist?" Reyansh replied shocking me. I knew Vihaan said he'll quit but I thought he wasn't serious and might have found my replacement but everything was happening exactly opposite of my thoughts.
"Our lead singers are missing. And the fest is all about duo." Vineet added.
"Band needs you Shrav." Aahana spoke to me and I somehow was still in shock.
"NO. I am not joining again." I replied with seriousness as I felt my throat choking again.
"You know, for boys like us, who are zero in studies, always involved in feuds and brawls, smoking, destroying our lives, this was the last chance to prove our parents that we too have talents." Reyansh pleaded to me with puppy face and I was not stupid enough to buy that.
"Yeah, studying, hate it. Brawls brings thriller and action, smoking and drinking, we are trying hard to quit. Music is the only option left and we seriously need you." Vineet added and I thought hard about it for a second.
"I am not falling for that." I replied sternly at last.
"We are not faking it Shravya. We seriously mean what we said. We too want to see the proudness in the eyes of our parents."
"And everyone knows it's long gone." Vineet commented.
"Please Shrav. Help them." Aahana pleaded to me on their behalf.
"I am sorry to say but that guy will be there and I hate him." I spoke.
"Fine. Band meeting after school, practice hours. Feel free to join. You are our last hope. We'll wait." Reyansh spoke to me and I sensed the disappointment in his tone. I looked away as the three of them marched away from me.
"Oh yeah! You said to Vihaan that he can't understand how love feels, right? You are absolutely true, he can't understand it but trust me, when it comes to understanding how it feels to not being loved, he's a genius." Vineet spoke those words to me. I looked at him with lot of questions in my mind and maybe he sensed it. He walked away leaving me with my questions. I didn't understand what he wanted me to know. After thinking a lot my confusion dragged me back to the band. Vihaan was still the villain of my life but I didn't want to become villain in someone else's life by not helping them when I could. I slowly entered the practice room and every eye lit up with happiness. Vihaan was still not there. I too started waiting for him along with everyone. I looked at Vineet and his words danced in my head. There was something that he knew about Vihaan which everyone else were not aware of and that made me curious. After about half an hour he entered the music room with some sheets in his hand.
"I am glad that you are back." Akul spoke to Vihaan, both shared a nod. Akul and Vihaan always acted as if they have known each other for so long. I always felt like they are somehow related but truth was preparing itself to face me later on.
He distributed the sheets among us and spoke, "Since I am the leader it is my responsibility to handle all the situations and about the song issue, I wrote a new one so we don't have to beg to someone for our performance." He handed the paper to me and I got the sarcasm. I didn't dare to look at him. He moved away from me and continued, "Read the lyrics, melody included. Practice it on your instruments and learn the lyrics and improve the vocals at home. This song is called, FORGOTTEN LOVE."
As soon as he announced this, Vineet's words clicked my mind and they made some sense.
"Anyone wants any changes?" He rolled his eyes to me and I recalled everything I spoke to him in anger. That was making me guilty.
"Let's meet tomorrow." Vihaan spoke.
"Tomorrow's Sunday. How will me prepare this song?" Aakarsh questioned.
"Akul's place, sharp at eleven. Be there." Vihaan told us leaving butterflies in my stomach.
"What?" Akul shouted in astonishment but mostly was scared. Vihaan looked at Akul and he too shared a questioning look. Vihaan stared at Akul for a while and it was enough to convince Akul.
"I'll text the address to everyone." Akul spoke and all dispersed.
I red the lyrics of the song which were like.......
Sometimes I wonder do you think about us
Are you gonna come back to me?
I remember you promised to love me the same
So come back to me though you've gone far away....
I wondered whom he wrote the song for. I brushed my thoughts away, turned and found Aahana staring at me.
"What?" I asked.
"You like this song, don't you?" She questioned and answer was an absolute yes. But since it was written by Vihaan, I denied. She grinned and walked out.
I was so curious to got to Akul's house that I wasn't able to sleep that night. I woke up early that day and took a nice shower. And then came the most difficult task, to choose what to wear. My closet was flooding with clothes yet none seemed suitable to wear that day. I literally tried all my clothes and then wore the one I took out at first. Now was the next difficult thing, doing my hair but I had the solution ready, DIY videos. I went from hard to easy and kept on trying till I messed up my hairs, shampooed again, dried, straightened them and let them fall freely on my shoulders. I looked myself in the mirror and hoped it wasn't too much. I looked at the clock which showed 10:30 that made me run down the stairs to see if Aahana had arrived. I seriously found her playing video games with my older brother. That made me slow down. I simply walked to them and asked, "Bhai? Where's mom?"
"Last minute emergency case arrived so she went to the hospital, emergency operation, dad went to the store and Scubby had a bath today." Scubby was our neighbours dog and was so cute. He spoke paying all his attention to me and that's always scary.
"I should care because?" I asked.
"He took a bath and looks better than you." Both Aahana and Aadi laughed and hi fied leaving me fuming.
"Seriously?" I stood staring at him with my hands folded on my chest.
"Ab shakal badal thodi sakte hai, we'll have to accept what God gave you." He laughed again but this made sure that I was looking good as this is the only dialogue he use to compliment me, strange isn't.
"You are lucky I have to go otherwise I would have killed you right now." I spoke to him with my fake anger.
"A girl who doesn't shoot her enemies in the virtual world will kill a real human, in the real world? How? Please explain ,stage is all yours." He teased me again.
"Be quiet or else....."
"Or else we will be late and you know Vihaan's anger very well." Aahana warned me and visions of Vihaan grabbing my neck flashed in front of my eyes.
"It's already quarter to eleven and if we started walking now we'll need at least 45 minutes to reach the place. At least that's what the GPS says." Aahana informed me and my blood ran cold. I started thinking about ways to reach there faster and my eyes landed on Aditya who was busy stuffing sandwiches. I kept on looking at him with the cruel eyes and soon our eyes met.
"Oh no, don't tell me you are thinking about that?" Aadi spoke and I got the idea that he knew what I was thinking.
"Bhai please." I pleaded.
"Bhai? Whenever you call me that, I get into trouble."
"Please." I kept on pleading.
"But mom?"
"I won't tell her and dad isn't home, he'll never know, please."
"No. Mom will kill me."
"I'll give you thousand." I offered and I knew he'll agree.
"Make it two thousand and I'm in." He was always good at making deals.
"Deal." I agreed.
"Ok. Let's go." He spoke and went out. Aahana was standing at one corner with confusion on her face.
"What were you guys dealing for?" She asked and I replied with a grin, "Mom strictly refused to let Aaditya drive until he gets his driver's license. Bit since our parents are not home I have to give him 2000 bucks for breaking a rule." She shook her head with a smile and both of us went to Aadi.