Legacy // H.S

13.

'But love, love will tear us apart again'

*

'He almost threw up, I swear!'

Our laughs seem to drown out the sound of the television in front of us, copious amounts of wine flowing through our systems (except Belly's) and bringing some distracted joy to the evening.

Since she had her baby, Harry and I agreed that she could come to stay at ours once she decided she didn't feel safe going home again. She's blocked Tobias' number, changed the locks to her shop, and hidden inside the walls of this house in the weeks since coming here. Harry doesn't mind at all, rather finding himself enjoying having some more life in the house after being alone in it for so long before this year. Every morning, he makes us all breakfast and even sits playing with the small child, while I simply watch in awe.

I've never had an affinity for kids, never really desired having them in my life, and I know Harry is the same. Our biggest fear is projecting what we went through onto them or becoming so scared that we fail in fully providing for them. The world is a cruel place, and we know that better than anybody.

Still, I'm happy to be an aunt if I must be. It's fun to have a change in routine, and in many ways, the birth of new life seems like a blessing after all that's been lost this year. There's still that cloud of dread looming over us, one that is dark and cold and loud, but every now and again, we almost forget it's existence. Temporary, but a moment to breathe.

Belly had a boy in the end, but he hasn't been named. Her and Tobias had never even spoken about them, both too preoccupied with the role of Hugo in their lives, though both serving differing sides. He's strong, though, despite the early birth, and she's much better after having some time to rest.

Liam has been helping her more than he probably needs to, and she's frequently told him to stop, but the minute he sees her it's like he doesn't hear her protests. He only sees her smile, something that has been permanent since she's given birth, and somehow nothing else matters.

He helps with feeding, changing, sleep schedules – everything and anything that a new-born could need. Often telling Belly to rest, he'll sit with the baby in another room and talk to it for hours about random stories or what's going on in the lives of the people living over the road. She's barely had to worry about a thing, and Harry and I haven't really needed to assist her when Liam is always doting. It's sweet to watch, and it's clear Belly has noticed his affection.

As for me, I haven't left the house since I was kidnapped. Harry won't let me out of his sight, but I don't even want to attempt it. Not because I'm scared of what they'll do if they find me again, but because I'm scared of myself, and how I might react.

There have been few instances since meeting Harry where my emotions have got the better of me and I've retaliated in ways that I'd never dreamed of before. The time I killed the woman that stabbed him and the shootings at the warehouse all seem to stand out. There is an overwhelming sense of guilt each time I hurt someone. Sometimes, it takes a few days to manifest, other times only a few minutes. But the more I do it, the more I inflict pain and cause harm, the easier it gets.

I often find myself reciting Babz' words to me: Accept the power but hold onto the fear. You can be weak, or you can be bold.

They always seem to echo in my mind during these instances, but lately, the rage within me grows so much that the sounds die out and all I am left with is a burning desire to make my enemies pay. I've never wanted that before. I've never been inclined to enjoy hurting others. Yet, somehow, it's all I crave now.