What if? [a Kyle O'Reilly story]

6 I want to know

Deep down I was well aware that this could be a huge mistake and that it could backfire. But I also knew that I couldn't just sit back and watch Kyle beat himself up.

My gut simply told me that I had to do something to help him. Even at the risk that he would be angry with me and I might lose him. But if it turns out that trying to help him is so terrible for him, then maybe it wasn't meant to be with us. I was not a person who just sat around and let things take their course. 

I took another deep breath before getting out of the car and walking up the steps to Erica's front door. I knew where she lived because I had secretly checked Kyle's papers. That was another thing that was actually not okay.

I raised my shaking hand and knocked on the door. The seconds that passed until the door opened seemed like minutes.

"Well, I certainly wasn't expecting you. If you're here to convince me to sign the papers, you could have saved yourself a trip," Erica said as soon as she saw me.

"Hello Erica. No, that's not why I'm here. I just wanted to talk to you. Would it be possible to talk about it inside?" I replied.

She thought about it for a moment and then stepped aside to let me in.

"All right. What do you want to know?" she began.

"I just want to know why you changed your mind. That's all. I want to be able to understand. Kyle thinks you did it out of spite, but I think that's probably not all of it," I explained.

"He's not entirely wrong in his guess. But yes, there is more. I have no idea why I'm telling you this, but... It hurts to see him replace me so quickly. And the thought of being a divorced woman... it scares me." Erica said as she sat down on the sofa and pointed to the seat next to her.

I sat down with her and thought about her words for a moment. It made a little more sense. Still, it wasn't a solution. For no one.

"I can assure you that Kyle has had a very difficult time dealing with your breakup. He suffered a lot. And he didn't just replace you. It took him a long time to regain confidence in himself and in a possible relationship. Kyle blamed himself for the failure of your marriage and considered himself a failure.

Let me tell you what I had told him over and over again. Long before we became a couple, by the way. It's okay to break up. A divorce is not the end of the world. Sometimes things don't go the way you imagined or dreamed they would. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't change things. If something isn't working and trying to fix it has failed, then everyone deserves a new beginning. 

Clinging to the past doesn't work. Neither out of spite nor for any other reason. You can only conquer fear by facing it. Please don't be angry with Kyle for moving on. He, just like you, deserves to be happy. If you still care about him even a little bit, Erica, then let him be happy. Don't make you both miserable in the long run. No one deserves that," I said to her.

When I was finished, there was a long pause in which neither of us said anything. I was about to get up and leave when she finally said something.

"Why did you tell me all this?" she asked quietly.

"Because Kyle is important to me and I can't stand to see him suffer," I replied.

"You love him, don't you?" she surprisingly wanted to know.

I hadn't expected such a question, and certainly not from hers. I thought for a moment until I realized something. She was right.

"Yes. Yes, I love him." I confessed.

"And does Kyle know you're here?" she then asked.

"No. He asked me to stay out of it. But... I just couldn't. Even if it probably means getting in trouble with him," I replied.

"Do you think it was worth it?" Erica wanted to know.

"Standing up for someone you love? Yes, it's always worth it," I said.