Finding Her - Azriel POV

A Court of Light and Dark

 I dont even think she wants me to come. Why would she after everything I have done?

I sat next to Cassian, trying not to look as tense as I felt. I had never been in the performance hall before. It was a beautiful room; the dark ceiling made the room seem massive. The lights hung from above made it almost seem like a night sky, and the deep blue velvet of the seats below looked almost like the sea at night. As much as I wanted to hate this place, I had to admit it was quite breathtaking. We all sat up on the balcony to the left of the stage, looking down to where the orchestra was preparing. The piano that sat in the center of the stage was empty for now, but I knew she'd be front and center soon enough. 

I hadn't seen Heather since that night. When she tried to break the mating bond. I could still feel her power coursing through the bond, and in to me. The breaking of my heart, the shattering of my soul as she tried to sever our connection. I tried to push the memory out of my head before it could overtake me as Rhys and Feyre took their seats to the other side of me. They'd been so worried about me recently, I didnt need them making a scene before the performance. They didn't say anything to me except to give me a concerned look. I gave them as much of a smile as I could, and turned my attention back to the various fae filling in to the hall. Could this night take any longer to be over with? I wanted out, I needed out. My life was completely torn apart by my own fault, and I just wanted to be alone. My mate wanted nothing to do with me. 

I felt dizzy and closed my eyes trying to control the unrelenting memories. I felt Cassian looking over at me. I opened my eyes to look at him, concern written all over his face. There was no lying to him that I was fine, but before he could open his mouth to say something, as hush sounded over the crowd below, and we both turned to the stage. My breath caught in my throat as she walked on to the stage. She was and will always more than beautiful, more than breathtaking. She wore her black hair half up, curling at the ends around her shoulders. Her dress was a deep purple with jewels decorating the top and arms. It seemed to have a mind of its own as she walked, flowing perfectly behind her. The crowd began to applaud as she took her seat at the piano. I couldn't take my eyes off her as she got ready to play. Every movement gentle, but purposeful. The conductor walked on stage to the sound of another round of applause. They smiled at each other as he stepped up to the podium. My blood cooled in my veins at that sight. When was the last time she even looked at me, much less smiled. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like my head was stuffed full of cotton and I couldn't think. I could sense that Feyre was watching me, so I tried to shift focus my attention on the orchestra as they prepared to play. Looking at anything but the remains of my shattered heart. 

The room went silent and still as the conductor tapped on his podium and the musicians raised their instruments. The first sounds were a gentle piano. I couldn't help myself, and I went back to watching her. The lilting melody from the piano began to swell. The orchestra began to join in, the sound growing with each new player. The song was desperate and sad, like running towards somewhat that keeps getting further and further away. I felt tears come to my eyes as I watched her, so focused on her playing. The same intensity she used that night I betrayed her. She moved with he music, letting it take her over. The music swirled in with my pained memories of her. The blended in to one until it was like I was back in the townhouse, her standing over me with that same intensity in her eyes she has now. I felt bile rise in my throat as I listened to the music she wrote. I knew her, I knew she poured her heart and soul in to her writing. Desperate, sad, angry, confused, heartbroken. I heard all these things and more. This music was her telling me its done. Its over. I couldn't stand it anymore. 

I got up to leave as Rhys grabbed my arm. I shook him off heading straight for the balcony doors. I didn't stop until I was outside the theater, the cool night air filling my lungs as I tried to catch my breath. I started to run, then took off, flying high above Velaris. Going higher and further until the city, the theater, her, was nothing more than a dot on the horizon. There was nothing I could do to make this better. Nothing to fix this. Perhaps it would be better if I just disappeared in to nothing. I kept flying.