A Sea Of Brown

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 6

'What the....' I almost let out. For a moment I just stood there like the wind has been knocked out of me.

I carefully sat down fearing my legs would give. A million questions were racing through my head. Why Ali?! How come it's Ali?! Was he made to come here?! What am I to say?! Really, what was I going to say?!!

I sat there not knowing what to do or say. 'What was I expecting?' I thought. 'I wasn't expecting Ali' I answered myself. I had originally planned to sit, remain quiet and let him do the worrying, who ever it was, but now... Ali?!!

Right at that moment I felt like running to Maama and screaming 'why is Ali here?!'. Was it a joke or what? Or maybe I should just ask him...

'Calm down Safiyya, calm down', I kept repeating to myself, 'don't do anything stupid'.

I knew he was still looking at me even though I was staring at my hands clenched together in an attempt at self restriction.

After a bit I started regaining my composure and the whole situation was beginning to irritate me. Why didn't Abbu or Maama tell me to begin with? Why didn't they just tell me it was Ali? Why did I even succumb? His parents probably put him up to this too, I can't imagine him wanting to be here, he knows practically nothing about me.

As I kept having these thoughts and getting more irritated by the minute, I realized I was still staring at my hands.

'How are you?' he finally spoke up, gently.
I looked up, 'fine', I replied with as straight a face as I could keep. There was a pause.
'...and the nose?' He said with a straight face too, when I looked confused he made a show of hitting his nose with his own hand, 'Eid assault...' he joked.
He suddenly and unexpectedly broke into a really wide smile, the straight face fading away like a smokey mask.
'Oh...' I said and my fingers went to my nose like he just reminded me I hand one. 'Nice attempt at trying to breaking the ice', I thought.

He had this smile that would make a person smile too without thinking, but I told myself I wouldn't. I was not some 14year old who couldn't resist the charm of a honey eyed brother with an amazing smile.

'How was your day?' He asked again, still smiling.
'It went good, been to work and back home', saying more than I intended.
'So what do you do?' He probed.
'I work at Jameelah'
'Jameelah...?' giving me a questioning look.
I explained briefly what Jameelah was.
'You love what you do?' he asked.
'I do. a lot' I answered flatly
'What about you?' I heard myself blurt.
'I'm a software programmer', he mentioned some IT-ish place I didn't know and went on to explain what it was about. I must have looked lost because at some point he stopped, 'I don't want to bore you with details'. Then another pause.

Here I was sitting across from Ali. Mysterious Ali who hardly spoke a complete sentence to me. I have always been curious, I was still curious. Part of me wanted to talk, that same part wanted to listen to him talk, wanted to find out more, wanted to know Ali but the other part was simply irritated and wanted to remain passive.

A few moments passed before he spoke up again.

'Where are Sumayya and Ahmad?'
'Somewhere in the house'
'I presume that's Ahmad's' pointing at the FIFA '14 pack
'Yes'
'I noticed the boots by the door, he plays football?'
'Mhm' I mumbled, blocking any path to a conversation he was trying to create.

It went quiet. I looked up again but he wasn't looking at me this time, he looked pensive like he was trying to sort something out in his head. A few moments passed before he spoke up again.
'There's this thing I have to be at, I've got to go', he said getting up suddenly and not looking at me.
I got up too and found myself walking him to the door still saying nothing. May be my passiveness finally got to him, 'Good', I thought.

At the door he turned, 'Safiyya...' and I waited for him to say more but he only stood there, and I found my eyes locked on his. Right then it was as if he had spoken words that were supposed to cross the distance between me and him but were somehow swept away into the night and didn't reach me...

'look away' the sensible voice in my head spoke up but I couldn't.

'...Goodnight' Ali said and he left.

I closed the door slowly feeling like in that brief moment the strings of irritation that have been knotting inside me were loosening against my will. What just happened? A while ago, while walking him to the door, I was getting ready to go find Maama and let out some steam but now...

No no no, those knots might be getting loose but I was definitely not going to let Maama and Abbu get away with this.

'Maama', when I finally found her, 'seriously?! Ali?! Maama why didn't you tell me???'. When started I just kept going. Maama didn't say anything until i was done.

'Safiyya I told you it was your father who insisted, I would have if it was left to me', she said.
'A heads up would have been good Maama'
'We are sorry dear', Maama pleaded, 'but please don't take it out on Ali'.

I said nothing.

Lying in bed, much later, my thoughts were everywhere. After letting out a bit of steam I felt a lot better.
'What happens next?' I thought. Is he waiting to here from me? Neither Maama nor Abbu asked me anything afterwards and I was relieved.

I turned to face the window as I always did before sleeping, it was a full moon and the light came in through my window in silver rays across the short distance to my bed and sprinkled itself on my face like silver dust. I loved it.

As I drifted to sleep an image kept dancing at the edge of my thoughts, that of a smile that started mid-lip and tugged at corners of the mouth.