A Sea Of Brown

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 3

I'm a complete romantic. By romantic I mean the complete package! I love reading books (romantic ones obviously)! I love watching romantic movies (i so appreciate drama)! I'm a poetry junky! I can be completely unrealistic and impractical, and I'm so sentimental that i make a personal connection with every single object I own, from my pen to my shoes.

Then again, I love art. I'm not an excellent artist like I have always wished I was but I'm fairly good. There's my other passion too, Fashion. I'm not all about Gucci or D&G, I'm just about designing what I want to wear. I knew I was really good at it but I needed an opportunity to show someone how good I was and I got it the summer before I started college when I worked at Jameelah. It is a boutique that sold abaya mostly, well saying 'sold' doesn't do it justice. Jameelah design and sell gorgeous abaya and then you could just tell them what you want and they'd make it for you. I fell in love with the place the moment I set foot in it. During that summer my work there had nothing to do with the designing but I seized the opportunity and showed them what I could do and they were quite impressed. I didn't get a desk at designing of course but they did give me a job. All I had to do was listen to the ladies describing what they want, draw it, advice them and then take measurements. I couldn't hope for anything better and I was really happy about it, I got to do the two things I had passion for at the same time.
I had always wanted to do something like that and when I started working at Jameelah I pictured how I would someday start something like it of my own.
Now the best part of it was neither Abbu nor Maama objected.
'You will take the job after finishing college right?', Abbu asked, looking at me over the rim of his glasses.
'Yes Abbu', I said, 'that's the plan'.
I looked at maama with a hopeful smile and she said 'if it makes you happy'.
If it was possible to love my parents more then that day I did feel like I loved them more. In my family we were left to make our own decisions concerning the little things and some of the big ones too (as in my case).
As soon as I was done with college (with good grades of course) I resumed my new job. I've been at it for quite a while now and that was where I was getting ready to head to.
I glanced at the mirror and stared back at a face framed by a carelessly wrapped hijab with black almond eyes and a pointy nose. I smiled to myself and walked out of my room feeling good about the morning.
I came down the stairs and found Maama watching one of her favorite Turkish series.
'Maama I thought you watched this yesterday', I said.
'I slept off halfway through', she replied.
'I'm off to work'
'Safiyya, come here for a minute we need to talk'
First of all her tone alone, not minding the words, made me nervous. Secondly, Maama never 'talked' with me she just 'tells' me what ever it is. Then the scariest part was the last time she used this tone and words with me was when she came to my room after I had graduated to 'talk' about marriage. 'Oh dear Lord what is it going to be this time?!' I thought to myself.
I moved towards her cautiously like a scared little kitten and sat down on the couch next to her.
'I'll try to be fast, I'm sure you won't be late', she said turning away from the t.v. This made me wish I was running late.
'Remember the talk I had with you after you graduated from school', she started.
'Yes! I remember! How can I ever forget?' I wanted to say but I simple nodded.
'Then you remember Safiyya that your father and I said if we ever came across someone we considered suitable enough for you we will let you know', and at that point my heart did a triple back flip, 'your father said I should tell you that he has someone in mind for you and the two of them have spoken. You will be meeting each other soon, if both of you approve of one another the matter will be settled'.
Maama was waiting for me to say something but I was completely speechless. When I agreed to all this match making thing I thought it made sense but now that it was really happening I could not believe it. After I graduated Maama told me she had a long talk with Abbu, and all in my own interest, they decided they didn't want any of that modern day dating. They said they preferred to be old school, they will find someone suitable for me but only if I agreed, no one will be forcing me to do anything I wasn't willing to. She made me understand that it was the right thing to do religiously and morally. Afterwards I agreed to it because personally I was never into the whole dating thing, apart from the fact that I was shy and never really socialized enough, I somehow figured I would rather have my heart whole and safe than take it through the trauma of dating and relationships.
Sitting right here in front of Maama and listening to her got me a bit scared. What if I don't like him? How long do I have to get to know him? What if? What if?? What if???
The what ifs just kept coming at me!
Maama placed her hand on mine and squeezed gently 'Safiyya, remember, no one is forcing you to do anything. You either agree to it or you don't, that's it, nothing to be scared of. I just want you to think about it during the day and we will talk some more when you get back'.
'Ok', I mumbled and got up to leave. As I left the house I felt exhausted already. How was i even going to concentrate at work today? Her last words were a bit reassuring but seriously, marriage?! I really have to think of marriage? Today???