Just A Old Love Story

I Need You

This chapter is completely dedicated to 'I need you' by 3t.
I was listening to this jam while I was writing this chapter.
This is one of the most emotional chapters I've written, hope you enjoy it.

Ryan
After having shut Brooklyn out of my life I felt the complete opposite of what I was expecting.
Why was I having these petite feelings towards her.
I glanced through the mirror at the perfectly calibrated tattoo of her name on my back.
The artist had really done a good job.
The name was perfectly calibrated, each letter shaped just like the way I wanted them to be.

'You just think about nobody but yourself.'

Her words ran through my head once again.
Why did her words make me feel like shit for what I did?

'I'm done Ryan, I thought I could but I can't'

Her words replayed in my head.
I remembered her big bloodshot green eyes staring at me with hate.
She hated me now but I wasn't thrilled about it.
Isn't that what I wanted?
My thoughts drifted to her once again.
Her spectacular features that I ignored all this time but were there.
The wavy blonde hair that cascaded down her shoulders, her bright green eyes that lit up whenever I teased her.
I remembered how her presence in my life had changed me.

My eyes widened at the realization that I had never slept with anyone while she was in my life.
She meant something to me that I had tried ignoring for as long as I could.

I yanked my hair hard almost pulling it out, repeating to myself that I didn't need her.
But I knew they were all lies.
As much as I tried to fill the void she left with empty meaningless words, deep down I knew she meant a lot to me.

More depressing thoughts of Brooklyn struck me.
Images flashing of her broken face crying in front of me.
I screamed throwing my chair out of the window, sending it flying through my window.
I couldn't handle this, I needed something to take my mind off Brooklyn.

I rushed to my duffle bag, earnestly searching for the stash I had hid there.
I poured all the stuff that was in the duffle bag down, so that I wouldn't have a hard time looking for my weed.

I thanked the havens when I found little bits of cocaine wrapped in a brown cover, ready to be smoked.
I clutched onto the bits of cocaine I had left, the voices of Brooklyn still screaming at me.
I remembered the first time she was present while I smoked.

'You know smoking isn't healthy, it leads to cancer,'

Warm tears fell on my cold cheeks as I remembered the incident.
She had been innocent and cared so much about me.
And what did I give her back in return, pain and suffering.
I took the little bits of cocaine and burnt them to crisp on my bathroom floor, making sure it left a mark.
A small half heart-shaped mark was formed, a reminder of how I had hurt the person who cared for me.
I took my drawing notebook and concentrated on drawing her perfect feature.
Her hair was down just like I liked it.
Her eyes were warm and vibrant as she stared right at me.
Her lips were perfect heart shaped just like they were on her face.
I knew withdrawal symptoms would start kicking in anytime soon and I needed to concentrate on something else other than drugs.
After applying the last finishes to her drawing, I pried the page off the notebook.

'I would give this as an apology'

I told myself as I placed the drawing on her notebook that she had left.
I took another plain paper and started writing an apology.
I used all the kind and consoling words I knew.
After writing it, I placed with the drawing, waiting for the time I would give her her book.

I laid on my bed thinking of her.
Every time I closed my eyes, the sad depressing image of hers would appear.
I really messed up and I knew a drawing of her and an apology from me wouldn't mend the broken wounds in her heart but I wouldn't give up.
As hours passed I felt as If I could not breath.
Everything around me was turning into patches of black.
It immediately registered to me that the withdrawals were kicking in.
As the darkness engulfed me, my thoughts drifted to Brooklyn.
I needed her, more than anyone could ever know.