Lost In It: Kaylor One-Shots

You Are In Love

TW: mental health troubles

Karlies POV

After a nice dinner, Taylor and I head outside on the patio of the small cabin, where there is a three walled structure. There is a hot tub in the corner, and the walls are all made of a dark stained wood. There are string lights hung from above, to lighten up the dark pergola. There are two chairs with their backs facing the hot tub. They point directly at the fire pit just outside of the entrance to the pergola.

"Should I start a fire?" I say.

"Ooo that'd be nice," Taylor says, taking a long sip of her merlot.

No other questions asked, I moved about to start the fire. Taylor is quiet and doesn't talk, she just sips her wine with the sound of the hot tub bubbling in the back. Soon enough, the quiet space is filled with the sound and smell of fire as well.

"Mmmmm," Taylor hums. "I love the smell of fire."

"Me too," I say while pulling up my chair right next to Taylor's.

We stay there quietly for a couple moments, then I grab her hand and interlock our fingers. Taylor tenses up at the sudden movement, then relaxes into my presence.

"You know, I never took you as the type to know how to build a fire," she says with a small giggle.

"Oh really? Just because I'm a world class supermodel doesn't mean I don't know how to be a tomboy," I say sarcastically with a smirk.

Taylor giggles again.

"I never saw you as a tomboy, until I got to know you. Know I know you are definitely the man in this relationship," Taylor giggles out.

I gasp, although I can't help but crack a smile, because she is so right.

"There is no man in this relationship, just two women," I say jokingly, emphasizing the last word.

"I guess you're right, but I always thought I would end up with a man, so it's a relief to know my girlfriend has some handy skills!" Taylor laughs out.

"The world knows you have none," I reply with sarcasm.

Taylor's mouth opens wide like she's offended, but I know she's joking. I don't talk again, and a couple seconds later, her head is on my shoulder.

My eyes close, and I wrap my arm around her shoulders. I just listen to the sound of the fire and Taylor's breath. Our hands are still intertwined, and I draw small circles around her palm. I can feel her relax, then start to tense up.

We sit like this for awhile, until suddenly, Taylor speaks.

"Karlie," she says softly, her voice cracking.

"Yes?" I say with genuine concern. Something in the mood has changed.

Taylor suddenly lifts her head off my shoulder, and wipes a damp eye with the back of her hand. I had no idea she was silently crying.

She looks up at me, and her blue eyes meet mine, and I'm lost. They are so fluorescent when filled with moisture, and the lighting from the fire is making them shimmer. I can't help but get lost in them for a split second.

"I have to tell you something," she mumbled out.

My heart drops, and I am instantly anxious hearing those six words, but I nod to show her it's okay to speak.

"The moment I met you, I felt enchanted by your presence." She says without looking up from her hand, as she twiddles with her thumbs.

"I first met you and you were so nice to me. We became instant friends. I constantly wanted to hang out with you, and have you around. You made me feel safe and accepted, something a friend hadn't done for me in awhile. No matter what was going on in my life, from concerts to being in the worst depression of my life, you made time to see me. You took time out of your schedule to come to me because I wouldn't leave the house. Some days, I wouldn't even get out of my pajamas, but you would still come to see me. You didn't cure my depression, but you gave me a reason to keep doing everything that I do, and to keep writing songs. This continued for awhile, and I remember bad nights when I couldn't sleep, and you just held me sobbing on my couch. I had never had a friend do this before, and I thought that this was just was real good friends did. You gave me hugs when I needed them, and held my hand when I was anxiously moving them. It felt really nice to have a friend."

She looks up at me briefly before returning her head to her lap, and continues.

"One night I was having a really bad time with nightmares and sleeping. I called you around 2 am because I was so paranoid, and I didn't even ask you to come over, but the next thing I knew, you were at my front door. I offered to just sit on the couch like we always do, but you suggested I get some sleep in my bed. You offered to stay on the couch, but I asked you to stay in my bed, and you did. Holding my hand. At some point in the night, I ended up in your arms, fully protected from the anxious thoughts."

I just listen to Taylor, and smiles, thinking about holding her.

"Your hands were running through my hair, and I felt so protected and safe. You are my best friend, and I had been missing this my whole life. Then, things took a turn. You had enough courage to softly grab my face, and kiss me."

My face got hot at the memory of the bold move.

"I froze, but then I kissed you back. I was scared, but knew we were just best friends, and you were just trying to comfort me. And it felt nice, but I was wrong. What I didn't know is that that kiss was way more then just the product of no sleep and comforting friendship. It meant something, and I was scared. I didn't like girls, but something about you made me feel like this was right, it was meant to be."

Taylor still continues on her ramble, tears starting to fill her eyes once again.

"I was scared, Karlie. Terrified. But something about it felt so right. And I'm still here, sitting, terrified."

Taylor let's out a sob, then wipes her face.

"I'm so scared of my feelings because they've always done me wrong. The anxiety pumps through my body at all points in time, and I can't get rid of it. I'm so anxious, and scared but....."

"Karlie I-" Taylor says sniffling, tears rolling uncontrollably down her face at this point.

I have no idea where she's going with this, and something about her body language tells me she doesn't want my hands on her, so I keep them to myself.

"Karlie...." Taylor wipes her tears with her fist. "What I'm trying to say is...." Taylor stutters out with another sob, before taking a deep breath to slow her breathing. "I'm in love with you"

The world goes silent. Taylor has no more tears. I can no longer hear the sniffles or the crackling fire. Time is frozen, and I'm taken aback by the words that have just poured out of the blondes mouth. Time stays still, and it stays like this for seemingly awhile. I don't move, but my mind is uncontrollably racing with thoughts. Time is nonexistent anymore, and the unknown of the universe doesn't matter. All that matters is the women sitting across from me right here, right now.

"Karlie?" Taylor sniffles, more tears coming out now then before, but they're silent.

I don't know what to do, as much as I know how I feel for Taylor, I can't say it back. I'm paralyzed.

"Karlie," Taylor uncontrollably sobs out. She wipes her face, and just as quick as the words came out of her mouth, she's gone.

I'm left with an empty chair next to me, and the sound of the fire, raging hotter then before. The air next to me feels cold, as I am the only body left.

I know I should follow her, but I don't. I can't move. I'm stuck in a parallel universe where time is still nonexistent, and I can sit by the fire as long as I want. And I do. I sit there, still. Feeling nothing. Seeing nothing. Hearing nothing.