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58: Home In Your Arms

Jungkook

Love is a drug . . .

You can't help but get addicted to it.

Like a slow poison, it kills one's existence from inside, slowly chipping away at one's mind, body, and soul and leaving just an empty shell in the name of a body behind.

Such a wretched thing is love. . .

Once it has adamantly settled down on someone, it doesn't budge, no matter how hard one tries to move on. It builds a home, a place for that person in their heart, etches that person into their very existence, not even bothering to know if they want that "home" or not. . .if they want that "heart" or not. . . .

And even if that person doesn't want that place, doesn't want that heart . . .that miserable, foolish heart still beats for them. . .

Like a drug, getting so addicted to its taste, getting so addicted to whatever it can offer, even if that is only pain . . .Love is such an exquisite form of self-destruction. . .

"Jungkook.", A soft knock on my door snapped me out of my daze.

"Yes?", I looked up from the paper works on my desk, feeling distressed that I had spent a good amount of my time just spacing out. Grandma stepped inside the room, crossing her hands. "You just got discharged a week ago. Do not stress yourself."

"Grandma, I have a pile of paperwork. I am taking it slow. Don't worry.", I tried to give a smile but it probably didn't reach my eyes as she frowned.

She came nearer to the desk and placed her hand on top of mine, squeezing it gently. "Are you okay, Jungkook?"

"I am.", I swallowed the lump in my throat. As okay as I can be after that unexpected divorce. . .I felt a bitter taste on my tongue as I remembered it again. No matter what I did, I couldn't help but keep going back to it.

What did I do wrong? Where did we go wrong?

These questions had been troubling me incessantly but I had no answers to them, nor the person who could give me these answers. . . .

If you didn't want my heart, you could have just said so. . . .Why would you break it more, Kiara?

Kiara's dad had warned me to protect my heart beforehand. But stupid me, who paid no heed to that warning and plunged right into the fire, despite knowing that it would scorch me. . .tried to caress those roses despite knowing its thorns would pierce me. . .

Heartbreak made one poetic, I sighed.

"Jungkook---"

"I am fine, grandma. I will get through this. I can face my problems, unlike someone who has cowardly flown to the States just to avoid me.", I still felt so bitter and mad. What a heartbreaker. I was still in the hospital, trying to contact her like a lovesick fool when the divorce papers had arrived. It had felt like a slap to my face.  She really couldn't have chosen a better time to divorce me. . .

I had never felt so rejected in my entire life. . .something so unwanted that she could just discard me after she was tired.

The phone call was even more terrible. I had never heard her voice so detached and cold.

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