J EFFECT (Vmin/jikook) Book 1 ✔

Chapter 17: somewhere else

Jimin’s footsteps were heavy on his way back to his chamber, eyes not once leaving the floor. His mind was racing with many thoughts, and he found himself sinking more and more into dark depression, the darkness consuming him whole and swallowing him, bringing him somewhere familiar, it being found again. His thoughts jumped back and forth from Jungkook and Taehyung, and his school work along with his parents. The words from Taehyung swam in his mind: “Damn it all! You heard me, Park Jimin! I… I love you!”. But his heart broke more each time he thought of it, remembering how he ripped out Taehyung’s heart and threw it away even though he felt the same way.

And now, if he didn’t forgive Jungkook, he’d be doing the exact same to him. 

Hoseok’s words were also on his mind, making him tense. Hoseok wanted him to talk to Jungkook, but it frightened Jimin. Truth be told, he couldn’t stop thinking about that hand squeezing Kai’s neck and that dark look in the youngers’ eyes. It brought chills down his spine and caused his trauma to flood his senses. Without question he feared Jungkook now, and it was going to take some real courage to face him and hear him out. Jimin knew what Jungkook was thinking- he knew it well from his father. The same look in their eyes, anger and darkness and obsessiveness. It triggered Jimin’s memories- memories that only awakened whenever he saw violence in front of him. Those forbidden thoughts are asleep most of the time, but he knew that sometimes he gets panic attacks and black outs for a few hours, finding himself someplace else before he encountered them. Violence always frightened him, but he never figured out the truth behind his blackouts and what happens after violence occurs in his eyes. He avoids everything to do with it, and so it doesn’t happen often. 

Jimin made it inside his chamber and shut his door, sighing deeply. He made it to his desk and immediately opened his text book, getting started on his studies he’s missed quite a bit. He knew his grades were dropping and just hoped he could push through and catch up and bury all his problems in the dirt for now. But as he was trying to focus on the texts in the book, he could only think of something else. 

“Fuck…” he whispered under his breath in frustration, running his fingers through his black hair. In the end he just shut the textbook and went outside to the balcony to try to clear his head with the cold weather in the air. It was the middle of winter now, yet he stepped out in his slippers and without a coat, only simply wearing a thin shirt and loose pajama pants. He let out a soft breath, seeing the air leave his lips into the dry sky. The sun was setting, the dark hour coming faster even though it was only five in the afternoon. But Jimin didn’t mind much, the moon being more pleasant than the sun. It was lonely, like he was. Being alone with it brought him comfort and eased him. 

Waiting for the moon, Jimin looked up at the sky full of little bits of clouds, suddenly realizing something blurring his eyesight. Then he let out a bittersweet laugh when salty tears reached his chin, the liquid tickling his reddened cheeks. He quickly wiped them, sniffling into his thin shirt sleeve. When he looked back up, someone was beside him. He jumped, startled from the sudden presence he failed to notice until now.

“Oh, sorry for startling you! I just wanted to see if you were alright…” the man, probably a professor, said with his hands up. 

Jimin laughed mixed with a sob, wiping his eyes. “I’m alright. Mr...?”

“Lee! I am your substitute professor in your first class! Do you not remember, Park?!” the professor said, pretending to be offended. 

“O-oh… I’m sorry.” Jimin apologized.

Mr. Lee laughed. “No, no. It’s quite alright. I was only playing.” a large smile spread across the handsome professor’s face, leaning against the edge of the balcony. Jimin eased and let out a small breath, doing the same as Mr. Lee. “If you do not mind me asking, where is your coat?” the man chuckled.