Hatred breeds love (topxbottom)

5

Warning Graphic: mentions self harm, abuse, etc..

Weeks had passed and I could never look at her the same as I used to, that dream of mine really messed with my head.

I couldn't understand why I dreamed of her, my entire relationship with her was banter or being tormented by her. I've been friends with Kirsty since I was 7, I grew up in that house with both of them and never once did I ever feel this way.

During the past few weeks Tori barely acknowledged me, nothing like that sleepover had ever occurred again and there were no fights so she couldn't interfere with that either.

Was it bad to say I missed her, or rather the attention that she had given me? I was overwhelmed and confused.

On top of all of that I had been sleeping at my own house for a while now which really wasn't easy. To give some context my father was very old and he was now ill, he was staying in hospital for a while now which left me at home with my mother.

Abusive relationships are extremely complicated, especially emotional abuse. She was my mother, I was always going to love her but she was too much to handle. The constant threats to send me away, or the threats that she would die and it would be my fault. I could list endless threats she told me, or the amount of hours we would fight and I would end up with a hoarse voice screaming at her.

The most conflicting part of this all was the day after these explosive arguments, she would apologise and shower me in love and I never had time to heal from it. Tonight was different though, this argument had been going on for 3 days straight over something so small, groceries. I took hours on top of hours of verbal abuse from her and ended up having an entire breakdown. I was throwing shit at the wall, harming myself and went into a state of narcissistic rage. She told me to leave, and normally whenever we would conclude this I would try to leave but she would stop me. I told you this night was different because she opened the door for me.

Out of muscle memory I walked over to Kirsty's, she wasn't home yet, she was on a date with some girl, they had been talking for a while it seemed sort of serious now.

I used the key her parents gave me because they knew everything that happened to me and always opened their home to me.

Tori's car was in the driveway so at least she was here, I was thinking maybe I could talk to her about all of this. I know we have never been close and we didn't always get along but I knew that if I was ever in trouble she would help me.

It didn't help that I looked like I had just risen from hell, I hadn't slept in 2 and a half days, my hair was tangled and my makeup was smeared all over my face from the tears.

I walked to her door and without knocking just walked straight in, I couldn't believe my eyes.

Tori's face wedged between some girl's legs, her neck hanging back in pleasure.

Immediately sitting up to look at me, her facial expression was incomprehensible as I think she was still processing what had just happened.

I dropped everything I was holding and just ran out of her room, tears streaming down my face, my vision was so blurry I couldn't unlock the door quick enough.

She came running after me leaving the other girl unattended in bed but before she could get to me I had already left and slammed the door shut.

I truly had nowhere to go right now, Kirsty wasn't home, I was kicked out and Tori was fucking some random girl.

I ran for miles, until I sat down on the sand of a beach next to the water. It was so dark and I had no idea what the time was. I didn't have my phone or a jumper, I was freezing.

I didn't care about any of this though, I was hyperventilating, screaming out at the ocean. I felt as though someone had punched out my heart and left a gaping hole where it once was.

As awful as this night had been I calmed myself down and quickly realised where I was, I was around the corner from the hospital my dad had been staying in.

I had missed him so much and he was the only one who ever protected me.

I walked through the doors and the scent hit me, a surgical scent, medicinal and sterilized.

Signing myself in and finding his room.

I hated seeing him like this, helpless and alone. His eyes lit up as he saw me but then quickly realised I wasn't okay. He opened his arms and I fell into his embrace. He was the only one who could take away all my problems with a simple hug.

I reposition myself so that I'm sharing the bed with him, cuddle up to him and before I could even speak I had fallen asleep.

I woke up with a pounding headache, I was dehydrated and I felt faint. I grab some water and rehash what had happened last night.

I called an uber from my dad's phone to take me back to Kirsty's since I had left all of my stuff there. Solely going back for my stuff, I had no intention of talking to Tori. When I walked in she saw me and ran up to me, she looked a mess like had cried and didn't sleep after I had left.

"Ella I've been worried sick about you, are you ok?" She spoke in genuine concern.

"I'm fine." I stiffly replied.

"I need my stuff." Another cold sentence from me.

She walked to her room and brought out my items to me.

"I have to leave now, sorry." Was the only thing I could bring myself to say.

"Oh, ok are you sure you dont wanna talk about anything?" Her voice trailed off behind me as I walked out the door, back to my mother.

Authors Note

Hello guys sorry about how graphic this chapter felt, I just felt like I needed to add background since you don't know much about Ella yet.

Question: Favourite drink? Mines Dr. Pepper or Root Beer.

- E